I need to go running


The non-romantical date turned into two other dates where things developed in a way that I did not expect considering that I never thought that going to watch stars with him could lead to this situation. I had not even wondered at first if he was straight or not, engaged in any way or single…

Then not being very sure of his feelings, having some doubts I asked him out and we met at 5.30pm.
I fasted and prayed so hard that I could bring up the subject of the church and I had several of my friends do the same as well as the missionaries and more.

Eventually we ended up in a restaurant and we talked even more.
I told him about the time I spent in Az not telling him what I was doing there although he had guessed because of some other clues I had given him about my sweet little sister who is serving in Italy.
then came THE moment that I have been dreaming of. the moment when I have been able to say my old rotten joke that I have been keeping for this very special moment. Everything was just the way I had imagined:

Nice restaurant but not too fancy.
He asks me:
-Az? Isn’t it where the mormons are? Aren’t they polygamists?

I first said “no” but then I looked at him straight in the eyes, laid my hand over his and said:

-it is not exactly it, see….WE are polyandrists and I was wondering if you’d be my 5th husband”

I know he is going to do some research.

I thanked him for letting me say this old joke that I have never had a chance to say. Oh and I got home at 10.45 pm

This is my conception of a blessing

I met this great guy who has recently divorced. We were supposed to go watch stars with a third person who eventually did not come so it turned out into a non romantic date.
I took this pic at twenty past midnight. When people ask me how I did it I tell them “just a little luck and a lot of talent”. The truth is that I had a tripod and a set my camera on a 30 second exposure. I let the technology do the remaining of the job. My buddy even drove the car a little further so it would not be in the frame. This night was just the best night I have had since forever. I don’t even remember when was the last time I felt like this.
I was six again with the benefit of being 30 years more. It was life as I expected it as a child.
We rested a little on a blanket watching the stars just like two children.
This is how I also found out that I have a power on shooting stars. Vega was staring at me (it was not being a shooting star….yet) and I was staring at Vega. I mean it was a staring fight. the stars stopped falling. My friend noticed it as I explained to him that I did not trust this planet called Vega. I told him that if I were to turn over so as to have my face on the floor stars would shoot again.
I did it and a star shot from Vega.
We laughed so hard.

SO many experiences I need to write about

I guess I need to write them chronologically or else I won’t be able to choose.

Since I wrote about my teacher my life has really changed. I am fixing things and it is not even hard. I am just doing it.

I understood today the first spiritual experience I had in my life, the meaning of it and the reason of it.
The meaning of it is just the one I understood all my life: there was none.
The need for it was huge and is what has carried me until I came back to the church. The timing was also a key to my future development as it happened in the same year this teacher did so much damages. I now understand that this was an emergency measure to try to make up for what was going on in my life at this time.
I keep on understanding so many things to the point that I don’t even “want” to forgive this teacher as I now “need” to. I feel the need and I want it to happen therefore it will happen. I am not talking about freeing her from my anger and having pity for her I am talking about forgiveness in a way that I wish whatever made her be the way she is I wish it had not happened not for myself but for her. I have resources, tones of resources, to heal when I don’t know if she has any. My first obvious resource is my brain as it may be a source of pain but it is also my biggest tool for roughing the piece or marble that I want to turn into a masterpiece at the end of this life. The atonement being the chisel and the teaching master being Christ.


This woman is insane


I explained during my last appointment how with another “striped” friend who lives in Brazil we sometimes have this friendly argument about who is our Heavenly Father’s favorite daughter as I opened up to her how I sometimes feel that it is me. She has not gone through enough years to gather enough knowledge that will enlighten her consciousness well enough to grasp a glimpse of how awesome I am which would bring her the testimony of the love our Heavenly has for some of His children of which the favorite daughter is writing the words you’re reading.
She kindly expressed her surprised as she has always been convinced that she was the elected one.

I clearly saw how my therapist was unsettled by the boldness of my words and the  brightness of this revelation which she quickly brushed away by saying “girls I am going to help you both on this one. I AM the favorite daughter”.

I am sure Ray and Benoît that you can understand my suspicion of mental disease concerning this person.




On a more serious note, seeing what was required of Christ because He is the favorite son I don’t know if I want to be the favorite daughter.

I’ll write more another day about how this time of my life is important.