I guess I need to write them chronologically or else I won’t be able to choose.
Since I wrote about my teacher my life has really changed. I am fixing things and it is not even hard. I am just doing it.
I understood today the first spiritual experience I had in my life, the meaning of it and the reason of it.
The meaning of it is just the one I understood all my life: there was none.
The need for it was huge and is what has carried me until I came back to the church. The timing was also a key to my future development as it happened in the same year this teacher did so much damages. I now understand that this was an emergency measure to try to make up for what was going on in my life at this time.
I keep on understanding so many things to the point that I don’t even “want” to forgive this teacher as I now “need” to. I feel the need and I want it to happen therefore it will happen. I am not talking about freeing her from my anger and having pity for her I am talking about forgiveness in a way that I wish whatever made her be the way she is I wish it had not happened not for myself but for her. I have resources, tones of resources, to heal when I don’t know if she has any. My first obvious resource is my brain as it may be a source of pain but it is also my biggest tool for roughing the piece or marble that I want to turn into a masterpiece at the end of this life. The atonement being the chisel and the teaching master being Christ.