200th? I don’t think so

I was supposed to give the answer to the game with my 200th post but since I have been slacking a bit I am far from reaching it (which should have been these days).

So here is the answer to my little game/riddle.

I like to ask people this question because it helps know them, it helps check out if my feeling about them was right but it is also a great teaching tool about priorities.

Anyway if you would do 60 seconds X 60 minutes X 24 hours = 86 400 seconds a day.
Each second represent a dollar.
You get the same amount opened to you and your purposes everyday. Each day is different and you cannot save your amount of seconds. You are only allowed to spend it. So how are you going to spend it? Who is going to benefit of each seconds of you days?
What are you going to invest your seconds in since you may or may not be warned when they stop flooding in your life?

Enjoy pondering about it. As far as I am concerned it is all already thought about.

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Only 3

I only have three callings now.
I am so glad that I can’t be called as a bishop. Thank God for the priesthood being only given to men and not to us.
Brothers keep it!
Because the day we can have it (hopefully never) someone will figure out that we can just do it all and then you’ll have it easy while we’ll have it all.

Guess who’s been called to ward missionary?
Yep.

But the things is that I felt it the same way I felt when I was called to the nursery and this is really telling me something.

So there is the nursery calling and then I have a “calling” that the bishop consider one but that I don’t because I just have not been set apart for it or sustained and because there is nothing about it in the church which “ward photographer”. I am just in charge of taking the pics for church activity and pictures of the families for the ward history.
A few weeks ago I was given a talk about another talk from G.B.Hinkley. I did shake a little of the dust and crossed some members (which was not my intend) after which the bishop’s councelor wanted to give me talks every sunday of the week for the coming year. I must say that this talk was for me almost more than for the members because I talked about a lot of things that I knew were right and that I did not do. This was wrong in this way that the reason I knew I should be doing it is because I served a mission myself when most members in my ward have not. I felt I was really under “condemnation” not in the hard way but in the way that I knew I had to kick my butt to start changing it.

In the mean time D&C 4 kept coming back to my mind and I started growing a desire to serve again but going on a mission again would not be the smartest thing to do for several reasons.

When the bishop came to me after sacrament meeting and told me he wanted to talk to me I knew he wanted to call me as a ward missionary and I tried to tell myself that I could not “feel” things and be right everytime.
then his first counselor put his hand on my shoulder and asked me if I knew that the bishop wanted to see me and there was nothing about the way he said it but I knew I was right. Oh yes, his counselor is also the ward mission leader and a good one.
I think I know the feeling now. It is not like when I feel the spirit telling me that this is right or this is wrong.
It is like there is the Spirit of God teaching me things when I need to be taught and there are times when it seems that it is my spirit that is in tune with higher purposes not in this way that I have any kind of influence on it but in this way that I know things.

I hope I can teach this to my children someday. And if I can’t ever at least I hope that someone will read this and understand the difference I am talking about.

Joyeux Noël

Mine was good.
I wish it had been a little more spiritual but I think it has been the most spiritual since a long time.

My mother was nice from the beginning until the end this was I was able to prove her that she is the one who is making things hard. She will always be sick and she was not “normal” when she was here, she was just nice and this is really all that I ask her.

My sister came back today and she had a good Xmas with her father and step mother. she thinks that her little sister is the greatest baby on Earth and I think this is good. You never know what their relationship might turn out like. So if she thinks that she is great this is a hope that things won’t turn out ugly as I fear.

Dany must be taken care of, loved and huged by all the members of her family. I just hope really strong that she was able to have all her grand children. I doubt it but I hope still.

Random

I had a hard time going to church yesterday just because I had had a hard night. I don’t even know why.

I went anyway and even if it was tough because I was so tired I am glad that I did.
I thought it would be harder but I am finding out that I am good at keeping my mind focused on the ultimate goal rather than on my temporal need. I mean there are needs and needs. Some needs are to be taken care of to be able to move on. But some others can be taken care of later to do something better that is more important at the moment.

“Elder” Taylor from my mission said that the church has to be true and to enjoy the benefit of the restored gospel and the priesthood otherwise, with all the crap teenagers with a tag make the church go through it would have disappeared a long time ago.
I agree.

Dany is leaving the hospital on Thursday. I don’t think it is a good thing but thanks to our collapsing social security system they don’t keep people who almost died for “too long” in the hospital. I am so glad politician in the US always use us as an “example” of what can be done. I mean if you want to depend on a national failure to get treatment just go for it!

I am thankful for the internet. I love this tool. I really love it.

Saturday I participated in a “freeze”. You know, this thing where at a certain signal everybody freezes on the spot for a few minutes. It was hilarious to hear what people said and thought. The best is that I froze in front of someone I knew and I did not know he’d be there to play with us. We were about 60. It was fun.

What else?

mmmmmmmmmmmm

Life is good.

Joseph Smith was a prophet called of God to restore the fullness of the gospel on Earth.

Soon

Guillaume is leaving in a few days for the MTC.
This is a crazy time. So many things go through your mind, so many things to think of to be sire that you don’t forget anything, specially since being thousand of miles away from home in a different country if anything has been forgotten you’re really on your own.
He is so sure of things that I know will be proven wrong. Some “false” doctrine that are not realy bad to believe in if you’re 19 years old.
He is going to be 24h a day which is more than two persons involved in a marriage would spend with their spouse. This is going to be a test and he is going to discover things about himself that he did not know.
He is also going to learn that you can actually love everybody with all your heart and why this is the only time in your life you’ll be able to do it.
I feel a little nostalgic. Not that I want to serve another mission but I wish I had been a better missionary. I did my best then but as the song says (in french) “sometimes even to give it all is not enough”. My mind is ok about what I did and who I was. It is just that now that I am older and that I have been through some fore I know they are things I would do better.
I know Guillaume is going to have little regret because he has always been a very strong boy. He is going to be a powerful missionary and I know his companions are going to be glad they got to serve with him whether they realize it on the spot or latter.
He has such a great laugh. I have never heard a laugh like his. It is childish but in a manly way.
I want to cry because I know that he is going to have some really rough time and that the boy we see is about to stop existing. He will be lost and people won’t even try to fix this image of him in their memory. I wonder if they realize. This is the last time we see him as he is and all that we know is that we’ll get a fine man in return but we don’t know who he will be yet.
This is crazy.
guillaume

A companion from one of my hardest companionship contacted me through facebook. She was not hard and I was not either. It is just that there could not have been worse match as far as our personality was concerned and we baptized like crazy.
We did not do anything. People just dropped on our planner and I am still trying to figure out how. My guess is that we had such a hard time together that the only thing we had in common was the work and therefore both did our best our own way. Being so different we appealed to a lot of people.
I think it has been the only time when my mission was truly about missionnary work and not about myself. Because face it. If God really wanted this work to be done he would certainly NOT send teenagers to do it.
Seriously…He is God.
Can you imagine him sending kids to do a job that the most powerfull leaders of the church would have a hard time doing?
This is because the mission is not about missionary work in the way we have been taught about it in primary.
The mission is about defining who you are going to be for the next decades you still have to live through. It is about planting the seed in your soul of the kind of child of God, the powerful leader you can be. It is about asking yourself the right question and understanding the gospel, love and much more.

Oh boy I am going to love to write to Guillaume.

Tomorrow

I have not heard about Dany. In France we say that no news is good news. I am taking that she is alive and well.
Hopefully she will be able to spend Christmas with her family.
The funny thing is that I have lacked patience with my mother more than usually. I wonder why. It seems that the idea that I could lose Dany, instead of drowing me closer to my mother makes me colder.

A sense of sacredness

Well, well, well.
This time has been a time to grow again.
Dany’s surgery has been postponed because she has some blood circulation issue that needs to be taken care of before they do the surgery. This stresses me out. I just want it to be removed from her body so we can turn the page, so she can spend Christmas with her family and so we can make her understand that she needs to sell her house to move closer to her daughter.

I called one of the person I talked about in my previous post.
It was a really good call.
I am glad I did.
I explained to her why I had been this way over the past years and she said she thought she had been a little too pushy. I explained to her that I knew she had done that because she cared but I was aching and I was angry for numerous reasons. I did not want to tell her then why I was angry but in the mean time I wanted to tell it. So it made it kind of difficult to communicate on both side.
We then talked about spirituality and personal life.
After this phone call I got a sense of sacredness for my own life.
I not only felt grateful for it but I also felt as if it was not just mine but something precious in God’s plan.
I have hard time explaining it because it was subtle and something I did not expect. As if my life was beyond my own understanding. It made me feel like letting go even more of all the things that have bothered me.
I was able to explain to my friend what happened at the beginning of the year and it felt like she was not just listening to me but like she was receiving something sacred and it made me feel like we shared something because this is how I feel about it.
The “funny” thing is that I think this has been a huge lesson (a sweet one) for both of us. Our path of life have had nothing in common but the time we spent in Az, she was actually the greeny just before me with the same trainer and in the same ward. But we have come to learn the same important lesson about faith and we have decided to make the same choice wich brings us now on similar path.
I don’t know yet how important this is. I mean I do but in the mean time I feel this is a key lesson that will have a lot more consequences than I can fathom in my life and in the next one. And I am glad I learned it.