Nope, he has not called me again.
Nope, I am not going to say anything that is realy like what I have said before other than “he needs help”. But this is not a big deal since we all do at one point in some subjects.
I think I almost made it.
I think I can almost great him by a “good day” (the translation of “bonjour”) and actually mean it. I like it. I like it a lot. Now I know I can do it if I really turn to the right source of strength for help. It is the first time I have cared enough about this issue to really do something to change how I feel. Now this was an easy one because what I have against him, although being serious pain, has nothing to do with the commandments. It is not like he killed a loved one for example. It is something that can be fixed.
I like to feel more at peace about him. I know he is going to listen to me when I talk to him about my pain. I am sure he won’t understand it. Sorry…he does need help. But I think he will understand that he has to listen to me. Hopefully he will remember it and understand someday.
The thing is that I am pretty blunt and I hate to beat around the bush using “nice terms” so I hope that he will humor me.
I don’t know why but I start feeling confident about the fact that he will. And I like to feel this way. It is a change from how I have felt for the past ten years almost.
I don’t mean that I have been full of hatred and anger before. It is not how I work. But I have always been able to tame my feelings from an intelectual point of view. It was all good for me since it worked well enough to enable me to eventually feel the love I needed for the one who had hurt me. But as I said it was a matter of taming my emotions, mastering my feelings by being stronger than them. It is good. It is an excellent start but it is not a change of heart. And this last thing is what I want to feel. No matter how long it takes and no matter how much effort I must put in it. I want to be able to feel this little change of heart (I mean completly, not “almost” like what I am feeling right now) so I know I can make it and work on bigger goals.