I have been thinking a lot recently about this marriage issue I have had for a long time. As I have said before I feel at peace now, thank you very much Heavenly Father, but I don’t feel like going on husband hunting either.
I have had some resons to give much thoughts about it recently and the more I think about it the more I respect this blessing that marriage can be to the point where I don’t “want to get married”. Don’t worry, if I have an opportunity I will happily dive into it.
What I mean is that I heard (and still do) so many people wishing to get married for the sake of it. Either because it is a commandment or because they had some natural needs that they wanted to wrap into divine purpose.
To me marriage is so sacred that considering it a mere commandment is almost belittling it.
What marriage means to me? It is partnership. An association of two souls striving for the same purpose, biding their physical effort for the same spiritual goal. This is accompanied with “naked fun” (got this expression from someone else and it really cracks me up) with special moments, with trials and with success but it is a path, not the end.
I hope to find someone who picture marriage as an “advanced” class in high school that will enable him to go further and do better at university. Not a class where you want to be to get into the most popular groups of kids.
If I don’t ever get married I really don’t care. Advanced class is only what it is. You can get the same learning out of this class and in the end you can catch up at university still and do great, as well as the other kids or even better.
If I do find someone, though, I hope that he will marry ME, not the notion of being married. I hope that I can find someone who has the same purpose in life as I do: just go back to our Heavenly Father following the path He has set. Not because I want to be a good little mormon girl, I am so not “good”. Because this way is the best way to come back to Him and be both happy AND make other happy. I can see it now and I really hope that I can find someone who can see it or else I’d really live alone. I really don’t mind solitude, I learn much on my own and I’d rather not have the opportunity to share what I learn rather that to be frustrated by thinking I can and then finding out it was all a lie.
What am I really looking for?
Someone who has the same priorities as mine:
Yes, family first and in capital letters, the gospel is only here to help us enjoy everything we can get out of it the best way. Gospel can’t come first or it loses its purpose…YET sometimes looking like we put the gospel first is actually really puting our family first.
I hope that he will love to learn and understand. Learn anything, understand anyone and anything (start with me thank you very much). I also need him to tease me. Not in a mean way. I loved to be teased because it helps me stay focuse on what really matter or on my goal. It helps me remember that my ways are my ways and nothing more, not gospel turth. I love to be teased.
I need him to respect, love and understand what priesthood is about. It is not granted! It is not because he is a man! I want him to let me help him in this field and not consider that this is a pure thing that a woman would make filthy by just uttering this word. Some of you may understand what I mean, some may not (lucky you).
I want him to have a strong testimony. I do.
I want him to listen to me. I don’t want him to do what I say, I said only listen and remember what I told him.
If he can be this then he can be whatever else he wants: short, tall, fat, skinny, bold, hairy, very sportive or handicaped. I don’t care.
It is not what but who.
PS: if he could be kind enough to tell my mother to shut up when he sees that I am getting a migraine it would be really nice.