It’s over

I had one hard week end.
One of those who make you feel like you don’t want to be on a week end.
Let’s start with just saturday.
I was supposed to go to the stake center in Lyon for a meeting concerning my calling. I wanted to go there as much as I wanted to hang myself. So I tried really hard to change my mind and my spirit about it. It was important to go there with the right attitude. I want to learn what I have not learn the first time.
Sooooooooooooo
I got to the train station that was supposed to take me somewhere where the bishop and his wife (the primary president) would pick us (me and another sister) up to go to Lyon.

First the train got delayed 20 minutes. this is bad but it is ok. I just called the bishop.
then no train showed up.
Then we were told that the train was going to be about 1 hour late. this was way too late for the bishop so I left and tried to call the other sister or the bishop. I was not able to get hold of any and I called the other sister like 20 times or more (I stoped counting after 15, I was angry). When the bishop called me I told him what happened and he understood so he left.
Only after did I find out that the train was 25 minutes late (not an hour) because the other sister took it (just on train station before me). Of course I lost the price of this train ticket (as if I could not use this money for a better purpose). Of course she lied to me about the phone calls. I love when people lie. Most of the time people are too dumb to do it properly.

The rest of the week end was in the image of this story.

One thing is good.

I have not lost my purpose, my goal. I may have goten mad but never to the point of forgeting why I was angry.
You know what I mean, don’t you? I am talking about when you get angry and then anything will just add to your anger to the point that you almost enjoy being mad because then you have a good excuse for being awefull to anyone.
So it has been a hard week end. Really hard. But I am glad it is over and I have not done anything or felt anything I regret now.

One good surprise tonight. I checked out our food storage and we almost have enough pasta, rice etc…for the three months goal we have set. We need 18kg and we have 17.5!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS
there are many more things we need to buy but at least we are doing good. Really good.
We also have 21 dry soups out of our goal of 30!!!
We need to buy more cans for vegetables and fruits because we have close to none but we’re getting there.

I have also check out at our local store and I have found for a fairly ok price some lights that are both solar and dynamo powered. How cool is this?

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I wish we had it

Ok, why don’t we have thanksgiving in europe? Why don’t we have any celebration like this one?

This is the best celebration on Earth.
Christmas? Nice but I bet Jesus would love us to celebrate all his “non-birthday” instead.
Easter? Ohhh you mean the time when we get all those chocolate as children?
My birthday? Well I love it but it is no purpose for national celebration…yet.

I love the concept of thanksgiving. You have to force yourself to a little humility to partake of the spirit of this celebration and I love it.

As a child we almost did not hold any family home evening and then when my mother got re-married family home evening became the kind of memory I blocked out.

So I remember only one family home evening that did not take place in our home. My mother and I had gone to her best friends’ home and the mother gave this lesson abuot gratitude. I don’t remember how it went but I have been able to understand the importance of it because of this lesson. One thing I remember also that is the image I keep of the notion of gratitude is a yellow sun.
she had made this sun with horizontal lines under it. I don’t remember how it went exactly but I think the sunbeams of the sun and what was intended to be written on the lines were linked.
So this is the image I have of gratitude. A big yellow sun that keeps you warm and keeps your day bright.

Good sister missionnary!

No, we don’t have sisters we have elders.
The one I want to tell you about must have been a powerfull one.
Last sunday we had someone from the stake coming to visit us. The stake presidency asked him to talk about him. So did he.
He explained to us how he was happy with his life but how he wanted to find the gospel and how the elders tried for 8 months and a half to make him feel he had a testimony. How he would come to church but did not want to get baptized because some things scared him (talking in sacrament meeting when he thought he would have to “teach” members who had been there longer than him or the idea of callings) and he thought he did not have a testimony. The elders did it good. They did evrything they were told to do. Pray with him, pray hard with him, pray harder with him, invite him to this and that…then they were gone.
A set of sisters replaced them.
They asked him if they could meet him someday and they came with the branch mission leader.
They “wrestle” for three hours. Three hours during wich he would not commit to baptism but aggreed with every single thing they would tell him.
In the end one sister said the thing that just nailed him on the floor.
She said: “we have been talking for three hours and all that you’re doing is proving us that what we’ve been talking about is true. Now I want you to prove me that this is wrong.”
This is when he realized that he could not prove her wrong because it was true and he knew it.
When they left he wanted so bad to tell them that he was ready for baptism but did not out of pride. LOL
But he did get baptized 25 years ago and he is now married to a woman he loves to death and they have been married in the temple. I wonder if this sister knows how much good this simple sentence did.

Offended!

This little boy in the nursery came today and screamed as usually. He screamed and screamed and screamed and when he saw me it was even worse he then screamed and cried.
You need to know that he was really cute in his little clothes and looked like a little man.
So I took him in my arms and his father quickly left.
While the little boy cried I told him that he was really cute/hot and I asked him to marry me when he’d be older. The little boy stoped crying right away and laughed his butt off!

HE IS 2!!!!

I am offended.

This little boy needs to know that I am pretty good looking for a thirtyish woman!

The good side of it is that once he was done laughing he forgot to cry again.

Good one

I had a book when I was younger in which I wrote down quotes that I liked. I had forgoten about it until I found it yesterday when trying to make some room for food storage. I read a quote that I just loved when younger. I still do, it cracks me up. I read it to my sister who just loved it:

When Satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his futur.”

It is getting hard these days to do the little things I made a point to hold on. but so far there has not been a day when I have given up or skipped. I think it is a lot easier to give up when caught up in daily life and it is actually it is harder after to change and go back to what’s best. the thing is that if I were to give up prayer and reading my scriptures because my sister had a bad car accident for example it would be easy to forget and give up but then it would be “easy” to go back to it since the situation would have been exceptionnal. A drama is like a time out of your life. Going back to your daily habit can actually be a way to recover faster.
Then when you slacking on this tiny things that you should be doing it gets almost impossible to make room again for them.
So far I have been good at the “tiny” things but then I have realized something.
I am getting the kind of blessing I have always wanted but they are small blessings compared to what I think I deserve and could magnify. YET I realized that I am not taking care of these blessings as I should.
Why would God give me more when I am not even able to handle what I already have?
This struck me this week. So this is the first day of my change of attitude and behavior about it.

Do you want to know something “funny” about the quote?
When I was younger I loved it because it both made me laugh and comforted me. I felt in such a state of unworthyness for no reason that I felt I needed it.
Now that I have ben excommunicated and I have come back this quote still makes me laugh but it is not bringing me any comfort because I don’t need it anymore. I am happy with my choices. I am happy with all my choices even the bad ones only because I am happy to be where and who I am.
It could have been better, this is true, but I like my life anyway.

As I type this I am looking at my desk and I think I need to commit myself to clean it once a week. Seriously, I am sure I will find a person missing under this trash someday.

On a quest for Lebanon

I realized yesterday that part of the reason why I love traveling so much is because I am looking for Lebanon.

My mother is full blooded french but she did not know France before she was 19. Then I was born 2 weeks before she turned 21. So I grew up with her memories and I always had this image of Lebanon being like El Dorado which was my way to escape and to dream when I was a child.

Then my mother’s little sister came from Lebanon and I remember this time as a shining periode with the discovery of new tastes. It feels in my childhood as a golden time. My mother was my aunt’s favorite sister and she shift her affection on me. Beside we were only 14 years appart and I was the only grand child so it made it easier to love me and to center all the attention on me. Oh yes, I forgot to say that my grand mother became more a part of my life during this time.
I would here about Lebanon again and again. My mother cried when they talked about it on the news when seeing all the places she hanged out with friends being totally destroyed.
They would tell me how kind and caring Lebanese are and they would tell me about their life there.

So I just realized that this is what I am looking for when I travel: Lebanon. A place where I will feel loved and where the sun always shine.
Laugh at me if you want but I think this is why I love the States or what I know of the States.
I served my mission in Az (talking about sun….) and as missionnaries even if americans are not middle East people (not really hu?) I still felt more loved than I did in France just because americans are more friendly than french.
There was also the space and the fact that the culture was different and the language. All this gave me a freedom of thought that I did not have before.

I really need to go to Lebanon someday.

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What is this mess?

I just cannot believe all this prop 8 fuss.
When I came back from NH my little sister told me that the proposition had passed because she heard it on TV. It seems that they only briefly talked about it making it sound like it was about homophobia because of course if you just say ” a proposition preventing gay to get married has passed” there is no way people are going to understand what this is really about.
But I don’t really hear about it, people don’t care and I think that the news was only bierfly reported because if people in Europe knew what this is really about they would have supported californians in favor of prop 8.
Don’t missunderstand me. We are not crazy about the marriage value or things that the church holds for important. It is the freedom issue that would have gotten europeans in favor of prop. Come on! even Elton john, when hearing about it could not be “in favor” of prop 8 but could not be against it. and do you want to know why?
Just because this is like throwing a tantrum.
GAYS IN EUROPE are not in favor of gay marriage. Some say that if they are gay it is not to find themself in the same situation they would have been in had they been straight. Others say that marriage is between a man and a woman and making it another way would just be ridiculous. And all of them are far from being biggots no matter how much some californians would like them to be (a gay biggot? How’s that?).
Some want a gay marriage in France but then when asked about this: whether they want the right or the word, believe me, they all want the right and don’t care about the word.
Some people need to get a life, seriously. They are making a fool of themself and I am sure it is not what they intended at first.
Now the funny thing is that they will never back a little to prove us wrong. They will never say “well, you said that you only want to protect the notion of marriage and you are on our side if it is about rights. So here we are to ask for the same rights in a civil-union without touching the notion of marriage. Will you be on our side?” They will never do that because then they will see us puting all our will and means in this fight on their side and then they will sound really stupid.
I dare them to do such a thing!