The world I love/ I love the world

I am a couchsurfer.

I can also be a couchpotatoe but this is another subject.

If you care about it then you can google it if not just read these past days experience.

This guy from Canada sent me this email that I did not see in time to request a couch. I was sorry that I missed his email because he had already found a couch somewhere else. We met on Monday and it was great. So we decided that he would surf my place for as long as I could stand him (we then figured out he needed to be gone by Thursday cause he had other people to visit). We talked, we shared. This experience was a real couchsurfing experience, one that gives me hope and strengthen my faith.

At the end of last year I went to Paris and I was hosted by someone who used to be a friend of my mother. She was also a member but got a testimony that she should get her butt out of this cult as fast as possible. I went to her church and the preacher said the smartest thing I have ever heard about the second coming. He referred to the scriptures to point out that Christ can’t be coming in a time of war and pain. The scriptures say that there is FIRST this time of destruction and then a time of peace. It is only after this time of peace that Christ will come. This is the smartest thing I have ever heard as far as “prediction” (cuckoo) goes and it fits with everything the church teaches and what I have always felt and….couchsurfing.

In the scriptures we are told and taught that Christ will come like a robber in the night. This means that we will come at the time when we expect him the least. When can we expect Him the least but when we seem not to need His peace anymore? When all has been accomplished and He has not shown up?

Very early in life I have felt that if we had been able to disappoint God so badly that He was ready to destroy us once for good, then we surely have the potential to surprise Him in the good way. I have always felt that this would be the most wonderful surprise we could get Him if there is a divine Fathers’ day. I never worded it out loud cause I knew I’d be called “funny” and “original” once again and this is a very dear subject to me. We can surprise Him. We have this potential. We just don’t have the will.

And all of a sudden the pieces come together into place to reveal a portion of the big picture. I have the firm conviction that the reason why are taught and asked to be peacemakers as followers of Christ is to hasten His coming. That Neither Jesus nor the angels know the time because the time depends of our own progression toward universal peace. The power of decision is ours, this is about our progression, and I am so glad I get a chance to practice peacemaking through couchsurfing.

We can’t blame God for not sending Christ back because He won’t send Him back before we have enough progressed that we can work together. And when we can the logical answer most people can have could be : “why do we need a Christ? How could there be a Christ since we have already overcome war and contention by ourselves?” thus explaining how so many won’t be able to recognize Him. Another answer could also be something like “We are christ ourselves. We have saved ourselves”. This will be a very sad reaction for they will pass by what the efforts of humanity will have made them deserve: Christ.

Thus there is no “prediction” or math to do about the second coming of Christ full point.

Stunned

I am.

I never realized how much “hopeless” in a sense I was. Thinking about what I wrote yesterday made me feel very down but then I have the feeling that there is a way out. I know the atonement apply to this too.

I need to tell you about the sweetest  experience I had today.

As I told you I got robbed of 800 euros wich is big already for someone who has money. Let alone someone who doesn’t. This really put my temple trip on jeopardy. then yesterday I remembered I knew a way to be hosted in Switzerland ¬†for free. I was so excited.

I wrote to the people who maybe could host me but I haven’t heard from them yet. Then this morning I called old family friends and told them I was going to the temple on the first week of July. They asked me to repeat it and they checked out when they are going and (as you can guess) they are going on the exact same dates. They offered me to sleep at the temple house in the room they have booked.

I am so excited about this. I worried a little this morning because it has been over ten years since the last time I went to the temple and I was not sure I was going to find a place to sleep at for free.

PLUS these friends are the people who have helped my mother the past thirty three years (until she dropped them as if they were nothing important). Pierre is the one who baptized me when I was 8, he is the one who watched over me when I was sick and my mother could not afford not to go to work again. Solange is just this Italian “mama” everyone loves although she is 100% French.

I am just being watched over, taken care of and this is not something I can deny.

Change of mood

Last week I wrote about Natacha.

I saw her yesterday at a stake primary activity. I went there because it was taking place in a park which means much “green” which means great opportunity for IR picture (the pics I have posted lately are IR pics that I took). I wanted so much to be with her that it was violent. I was very confused by this feeling. Fortunately I HAD to take pics so I was away from the group for about half an hour or maybe a full hour. I don’t know. Time flies when I take pics.

Anyway when I came back to the group she came to me. I would not have come to her cause I was really scared that my “despair” would show. She came to me for another photography lesson and since I had a spare camera I was able to lend to her something to practice what I had taught her.

I came back home FREAKING late and I was miserable today at church (and still actually).

I realized where the violence of the emotion I feel when I see her comes from and why I am happy and in a good mood which is NOT normale when I am tired. AND NO I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER! Which sounds like it when reading what I wrote.

The thing is that she gives me something that I did not realize I needed:

HOPE

I am realizing right now as I am typing this that I have faith but I just don’t have hope.

I fall into my old trap again: I trust and believe very hard anything as long as it is not for me. Like I trust anything good can happened to anyone. I will pray hard and put all my faith into fasting for someone else but I just can’t put as much strength when it is FOR ME. I realize that this the most difficult lesson I have to learn in this life no matter what miracle God brings in it: this kind of hope that makes things happen for real. I thought I had learned it but nope. I wonder if I will ever. I see now what I need. I don’t need what she has (a wonderful husband, a beautiful house in a ¬†gorgeous environment, three healthy kids) but what she brings me and I suspect her to bring it to a lot of people because I know she is loved in the stake.

I realize that what people “hit” like a wall when they meet me is not the fact that I am hard but the fact that I just don’t have “hope”. And how are “hope” and “faith” so similar that they can pretty much been used as synonyms? Well they are destroyed by the same thing: fear.

Doing not too bad

And I am grateful for trials.

I just got robbed of 800 euros.

I am grateful for this because ten years ago I would have died if such a thing had happened to me.

I was angry when this happened of course but I also understood it was just another trial I had to go through. this one was more than unexpected as you’d think God would protect me in the field I need the more help. i don’t have the ffeling I have not been protected rather I feel it has been a unique opportunity for me to see if I would have enough faith to see His protection through this trial. It took me time but then I realized that I still have a roof, I still have friends or the church I can turn too if this becomes really an issue. I am not alone and even if I am upset and angry at lyself for letting myself being robbed I am still loved and watched over.