I feel aweful

Well, one of my friend is not supportive of how I am doing things at all. He thinks I am going too fast.
First I want to say I am grateful for him telling me what he thinks.

Then he told me something that sounded like beside the point to me and after I got hom I could tell why.
One of the thing he said was that he has the feeling that I am giving up on my goal of becoming a photographer since H came in my life.
It sounded funny to me at first and then I realized it was actully the opposite.

I bought more gears since he is with me and I am doing more picures since we do it together. I am more determined but now it is not to prove something but really because I want to do it for myself. I guess the fact that I am doing something rather than talking about it makes him think that I have given up.

I am sad also because mu friend is going through a rough time (being my best friend’s boy friend) and even if I am not sure to hold the secret of the magic recipe to be happy I know H and I are doing something right which is to communicate and respect each other’s opinion. This is something that my friend just does not know about.
Since day one I have the feeling that he and my best friend don’t know much about each other and have a different goal for their couple.
It is like they know each other’s fault better than they know their qualities. I have often wondered what brought them together beside childhood pains that back when they met they did not identify.

I can’t tell “listen, this is how things really works” because H and I are only doing our best but I think we have both identified some stumbling blocks and know how to pass them.

Now the reason why I feel aweful is because of the woman H was with. I know she brought it upon herself and I should not feel guilty. I don’t feel guilty I just feel sad, very sad. When he broke up with her she cried (of course) and said that she is never going to be with an other man because she will never find someone like him again.

I agree.

But she should have taken better care of what she had.

I am angry and it is absurd. I just wish I were not in this position.
But I guess mine is better than his or hers…

Yesterday was hard

He broke up with her yesterday. It was very emotionnal.
She did not accept it.
She did not believe it.
Then she wanted to see a picture of me.
Today he told me she was extra nice to try to get him back.

What makes me sad is how she must think that he has cheated on her when he has not but he cant’ tell her that or else he will have to explain to her and she will either think we are crazy or that he is a bastard lying to her.

Monday was weird. I would feel happy and then nervous and then I would worry like crazy but then something that I have learnt to identify came. It was like a blanket of comfort and I knew everything was alright.

We know it is going fast and we know we look crazy but we both feel good about what we are doing and how we are doing it. I must add that I really feel the spirit that tells me I am right. He can always chose to go another way because he will always have his free agency but it won’t change what I feel which is : this is right.