I think I will stop trying

No seriously. I can’t stop teasing people or laughing at some stupid theories or way to see things.
It does not mean that the person is stupid.
I have a very good example on my mind that I can’t help but chuckling at every time I think of it.

This sister in my ward is someone I love more and more. We have VERY opposite ways to see things and strangely enough is brings us to the same values. I think she is the best example I can think of of someone I will probably never agree with on anything but with who there is much respect on both side.
Anyway, she wrote me this email in which she talked about the idea that “it is very likely” (see my previous post about Mormon dogmatism) that her husband will have to take at least another wife once they are exalted but she has a hard time with it.

First: How do you know you’ll be exalted?
Second: Do you really think that that many women will want to be your husband’s wife? You are really in love with him, aren’t you?
Third: Can you really picture it this way?
Heavenly Father:
“Congratulation M-E! You made it to CK! I am so pleased with you 🙂 As a reward your husband will get several wives. And you get the right to smile about it.”

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall right. I only told her the last part because the two first (specially the second) could be offensive although I doubt she would be offended by that.

We don’t know ANYTHING about it. We are only told things that we believe and we hope.
But there is one thing that I have learned these past 32 years: God will not ever force us into a situation that we don’t want. We have the right to say “no” here to whatever He wants for us. Why would this right be taken away from us specially after having become so wise and after having mastered ourselves and knowing what is good and what is not good for us?

Now as for myself I am totally for it….I’ll share if he shares!

Comments from my little sister after I told her this: It will be CK not a swinging club for Heaven’s sake!

As I have said. I think I can’t stop teasing people or laughing at some ways to see things and I will stop trying.

Mormon dogmatism

I find it very presumptuous.

“We know that this is true!”
Who is “we”? Because I don’t. I guess I am not a part of the club. Oh well I guess I’ll end up with a lesser glory where things have to be learnt and experienced to say “I know this is true”.


I am an agnostic with a testimony of Joseph Smith. LOL

Let me explain to you what I found out about agnosticism.
There are three major ways to think as an agnostic:

1st I don’t know and I don’t know if it is possible to know.

2nd Someone may know (through a revelation for example) but it is impossible to prove it or to know through a willing action.

3rd It is impossible to know, revelation in its nature itself, being impossible.

This leads to various possibilities from passive atheism to being a part of a church with a clear knowledge that nothing can be proved in this life.

This way to think and to approach religion is to be opposed to dogmatism. And I find interesting that church leaders never use the word “dogmatism” in a way that would make it acceptable in the church or in our way to think. Calling the church an “agnostic” church would be pushing it a little far I think 😉 But the truth is that we are encouraged to know for ourselves and not to take anything for granted. In this although we are not pushed toward agnosticism we are indeed pulled away from Mormon dogmatism.
I guess this understanding of this word is to be linked to what I have written previously about faith faith can’t be a perfect knowledge as we are taught in the church but even better, for our own growth (not our own little comfort zone I should say) it needs to be a choice and not “just” a hope. Or maybe an enlighten hope. One that does not come from a mere childish feeling that all is well but from a deeper decision that comes from going through some fires whether they’d be emotional, physical, spiritual or all of them.

Laura Roslin/Mary McDonnell, my friend Odile and me

Well. It seems that being a geek is something good after all.

Sorry but I had never heard of Mary McDonnell before Battlestar Galactica. I know. Shame on me. But being French should be an excuse good enough I think.
I have seen “dance with wolves” when I was a teen and I did not really like this movie and I remember thinking that “stand with a fist” was absolutely ridiculous. I just wanted to slap the lady you know.
Now that I am a little bit older i think that she did a great job and that I was too young to appreciate her work. But there are some scenes in which I still want to slap her.

But this is not the subject of my post.

This is:

We just don’t know about this disease in Europe and making some search about it on wiki I found out that my country is almost not touched by it.

My attention was caught by another video related to this disease talking about fibromyagiltis being one of the symptoms because my friend Odile has been having it for a long time now and doctors just can’t find why.
When I told her about it last week she told me that she had actually had a tic removed 10 years ago.
This week I talked to her about it and she told me exactly when they have been talking about on youtube: join pains, chronic fatigue etc….

The other thing is that her mother had the same symptoms and she knows her mother had had a tic removed too. Her sister is having the same symptoms but she does not know yet about any tic story.

How many chances are there that it would not be Lyme disease?

If this is. If I am right I will love Mary McDonnell forever.

I usually don’t like when “stars” start being the speaking voice for this or that. But since this was a talk at a university and since I have heard her talking before I thought that I had a chance not to have too many stories that are intended to make you shed a tear or two.
So yes, it was good. I learned something but the most important is that it may (or not) be the thing that enabled me to help my friend.
Odile is going to talk to her doctor as soon as possible and I hope that he will be smart enough to look this way and to interpret the result correctly if this is Lyme disease because to be fair with all the doctors, it is far from being an easy one to have a diagnosis on.

If this is Lyme disease I hope I have a chance someday to thank this lady for being the speaking voice for it and for her great work as an artist because without her I would have never known about it and neither would have had Odile.

long time no posting

All right. It seems that the teacher I had a problem with last Friday was amazingly mild and professional yesterday.
This whole story is sad.

The good news of the week is that I got my boken so now I have all my weapons.

What else? should I say that I worry for my country? I have talked about it before and I think it is pointless for now to write anything because I don’t have much more to say. I have already expressed my feelings and saying more would just make me low.
The frustrating thing is that all the idiots I am thinking about right now will never have to pay for their behavior because when History do us justice those people will be long dead.
They are driving our country close to civil war and they’re proud of it. Actually, I may be caught up in all the emotions but I have the feeling that it is inevitable.
Oh well…we’re pretty good on food storage so I guess I should not worry for me and my sister but I just hate to see my country in this state. I hate to hear idiots blowing their egos over stupidities. Sometimes I wonder if living in third world country, although hard, is not the way to find peace because their daily concerned are a tiny bit more down to Earth than what I hear and that makes me worry so much for the future.

Anyway, I have been enjoying reading D&C very much lately. there are some commandments in it that are highly disregarded by members in the church. It kind of strengthen my testimony about what I went through a year ago but in the mean time it makes me ask more questions. I used to feel dizzy when trying to answer this questions when I was a child. Dizzy and scared. It still makes me feel this way actually but not as much anymore because I have the feeling that although I grasp a little the concept that THIS is not all and that the best is yet to come.
It is becoming easier to trust God on these questions.

I am lame

I did something really bad yesterday.
I mean I am not kidding this time.

My job is supposed to be about the students of the high school I work for but most of the time teachers are as much trouble as the kids.

Yesterday one teacher did something stupid and embarrassing for our work again.
He is one of those who does it the most. He is a bad teacher and all the kids know it.
When I say that he is a bad teacher I am not saying that he is mean. I am saying that his place is not in a school.

I got fed up with him and I made it very clear to him.
the problem is that I did it in front of his class.

It is not as if I had endangered his authority because he never had any. But I know it was humiliating even if I did not say anything wrong or did not insult him.

I felt good but guilty in the mean time. I almost apologize when he came to my office and “told” me what had happened. And then I understood that there was no point apologizing because he just won’t get it.
So I still feel guilty and in the mean time I don’t know how to make him understand another way.

First I need to learn to let my anger out in a way that will not hurt others. Kind of contradictory but it is better than to keep it in or to let it out in a way that is wrong.

What is worse?

Yesterday was kind of hard at church because I was tired and kind of disappointed that my little sister had come to visit us this week end and I had almost no time with her.

In the nursery I had two little boys crying at two different times (the second one not having seen the first one so he was not mimicking the first one) because they were really sad. Not because they did not want to go to the nursery but because they were sad.

And then, the mother of one of the boys came in.
She did not want to go back to RS.
She got into a fight with another sister.
I did not want to ask her what it was about because I knew not what she would answer but how and I did not feel in shape to deal with her emotion.
The other sister came in and asked her if they could talk.
I don’t know what they said.
Latter I asked my sister (who was giving the lesson) what had happened. Of course, as I expected, they fought over something stupid. The only good point is that they fought over something that was more interesting than the brand of diapers the gospel teaches us to use. You think I am kidding? I am. But sometimes people can be really weird and go almost to this extend.
Anyway I realized really quick that the main issue in this fight was not a misunderstanding but the fact that they were two “young” sisters.
Not “that” young.
One is a little younger than me and the other a little older than me.
But let’s say that they are sisters who are not old enough to have learned that sometimes it is honestly better to let the other talk.
So I am wondering what is worse:
A RS where all the sisters are old, sometimes half senile, and have learned not to go too deep into some answers.
Or a RS with younger sisters who will feel so strongly on some subjects and will go into stupid fights?
I like the fact that our RS is getting a little more alive but I think I will get tired of this really fast.
Yesterday was also challenging spiritually.
I just could not focus on the Sabbath. But I liked to try 🙂

Why I cannot be a socialist

As things are right now in France
When I talked to Americans I could feel they was a huge and deep need for a change and the problem is that only Barack Obama represented a change.
I think that voting for him has been like what we call a “forward runaway”. No matter where you run away as long as you do it forward.
the problem is that the only option open to the US has been one I know to be bad because I see the results of it right now in my country and it is bad.
I was shocked a few days ago to read again the Human rights and to realize that socialism in France trample them in the name of…of…of what?
The only thing that could be above Human rights would be God’s laws the problem is that to be a good socialist you also have to be a good atheist.
so there is nothing above human rights but their own little comfort which is pretty much synonyms of tantrums and head buried in sands to the point of going against any moral code.
Teachers in my city have not declared who is on strike and who is not claiming that it was up to the University to figure it out.
My only concern about it is that it is illegal according to our laws.
How can they morally justify this? I know what they are going to say.
They are going to talk about the future and how they are fighting for a better quality of future…as they have for the past 30 years and if this is the best they could have come up with I must say that they are pretty much up to no good.
History will prove me right but I will long be dead by then.
At least this will be a testimony that I will not have taken any part in this.

Socialism IS A GOOD THING. The problem is that we are not mature enough for it yet. And socialism in our western societies is bound to become anarchy at one point or another.

Talking about something funny.
Last Tuesday I had my Aïkido class as usually.
I had warned the teacher that I have very “flexible” arms and wrists.
I guess he did not believe me.
He tried on me the technic he was teaching us to show my opponent how to do it…
Guess what happened.
Of course it failed.
I did not hurt because I have a very flexible upper body.
The teacher just could not believe it.
At the end of the class he showed a different way to do what he had taught us just in case we would encounter someone like me.

Last week the opponent I was practicing with would tell me to slap the floor with my hand to say “stop” when it hurts.
He thought I did not know or he was doing it wrong.
He was doing it just fine. The problem was not him. LOL
At least I have kept this from when I was 15. I am still good at bending my wrist or twisting my arms 🙂

I don’t know where this Limbaugh guy comes from but he sounds to me like an idiot. I could change my mind but he sounds to me like someone who has not understood what it means to stay together in difficult times.
Somtimes I wonder if socially our president and Obama have more in common than it looks like at first. They both have to face people who definitely have their own definition of the word “patriotism”.
If Segolène Royal had won in France (thank you God for sparing us this fate) I would have supported her because she would have been our president…and because she would have been her own stumbling block already and would not have needed me against her LOL

Feeling up and down in the mean time

I am re-reading D&C and I am experiencing what I have heard from others. It feels like it is the first time I am opening this book.
I have a hard time believing how many commandments are given in it that we NEVER EVER talk about.
As usually these commandments are what I call common sense but I see why it was needed since they have been given and most people don’t follow them.
In 32 years I have never heard them quoted. I would love to be given a new talk and be able to quote them since God himself says: This is a commandment.

I have been feeling good after Aïkido practice for the first time. I am so happy about Aïkido and the fact that my sister is doing it too. I love to check out on what I have learned with her.
I can’t wait to get my “passport”. This is the little thing that says that I am officially registered as someone who studies Aïkido and that will help officially keep track of my progression.

There is an article in the Liahona (the foreign equivalent of the Ensign) that I want to read and put a comment about on my blog for any American reading my blog or coming across it. Your country is taking the path we have many years ago for about the same reasons as we have many years ago and this is a wrong path. The motives are good. The way is bad.

I am experiencing a big “faith” problem. this month has been rather challenging.
I am not talking about “spiritual faith” just trust in God.
I should get my results on Tuesday and I have put everything in the hands of God and I am just practicing trusting Him.
I have a hard time explaining my issue.
It feels like a success would actually be the real faith test.
If I fail as I expect, this would be my “comfort” zone since I already trust Him for leading me where He wants me to be and I “trust” Him to lead me where I don’t want to go.
But succeeding would ask me to trust Him in his trust in me and this would also ask me an effort of real humility in acknowledging His power.
I know He can do it all. But I know how this test work and for me, opening a sea takes less ability that making me succeed this test. Physics is much easier to manipulate than us.
I must say that it would shake me deeply to succeed in good ways but also in ways that I don’t know at the moment if I will deal with it properly and grow from this experience.
Before I was excommunicated I took my reactions (that were good) as granted. But I have grown and I am more mature. I have changed and I don’t know how I would react to success. I deal much better with failure as hard as they may be.
I was shocked yesterday.
I saw my reflection in a glass door and it was a shock to me to see a woman and not “a girl” as I have been or seen myself for a long time even after I came back from my mission.
It felt to me like it was not me. not the me I have been used to and I loved what I saw but it felt like it was too much.
Oh don’t think I was looking good. LOL
I was just something that I have been dreaming to see since I was a teenager. A grown woman.

And I love this woman but there are still things that I don’t know about her such as how she will react to success. I know how she used to react when she was a young woman but I don’t know what it will be like now.

I have been having migraines, I sleep only 5 hours a night and all this because of this FRAKING CAPES. No matter what the outcome is Tuesday is going to be the first day of many good nights…unless I have passed this first part since there is a second part for those who have passed the written part.