Once again why am I so stupid?

My mother had made efforts to be nice so I had made efforts to open up.

And yesterday she blamed me for something that is only in her head and hurt me with what I had opened up to her about.

Why do I always fall in this tick?

I am going to be 33 and I still believe her. There is really no preaching to do to others, no advise to give when I am still able to fall in this. She just plays with my need to have a mother because this is the way she can have an insane power over my life instead of having the power of love.

How much am I responsible for my feelings?

I think that I am not but am I right to think this way?

I feel angry. This is 100% directed at her but to be honest I am angry at myself for lowering my guard. Why do I have to have a guard against my mother?

Advertisements

One thought on “Once again why am I so stupid?

  1. You should’t have to.
    I’m sorry she’s hurt you again. I hope that I don’t hurt my children in this manner. I know I sometimes say the wrong things to my children and hurt them as well. I just hope that when it happens I have enough awareness of it, and sorrow for it that I can apologize and ask their forgiveness.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s