I really don’t know why I had this thing about not really getting into family history before I would have my blessings restored to me. I think it is because it is so important to me that I wanted to have all on my side so as not to start with any bad experience of any sort. I know it is weird and maybe a little childish or maybe not but this is how I felt.
So for the past few days I have been looking into what I may need to do in any field and on any level.
As I was investigating FamilySearch (much improvement needed there) I got a little frustrated and emotional that I could not find the little work my mother had done on her father’s side. I found out it is on the old Family Search but it did not transfer on the new one. All is great, all is fine. Anyway as I got deeper in the research to plan the family history work I want to do old pains came up again. I thought it was gone.
Part of my anger was linked to those pains and when I came back I was SO SURE it was behind and that I was not going to have them in my life in one way or another. I hate to cry, it takes much energy but holding back tears is not better. No mater how I chose to react I feel hurt and much energy is drained out of my body.
As always I prayed and opened up to our Heavenly Father about it.
I heard that this is something I need. This pain is something that can be associated to a tool for my own progression. I can get rid of it but I should not try because it is very important for me to have it.
Rather I need to be a master over this pain for my own development. The image I had is Aïkido where you don’t use your own strength but use your opponent strength. When you look at very old videos of the founder of Aïkido it seems that they are fake. As if people would throw themselves on the floor not wanting to hurt the Master. The truth is that he new the subtleties of body movement that would make people throw themselves on the floor for fear of worse pain. It was not about not being attacked or being stronger than the opponent.
The closest thing I can use to explain what I received as an answer is this. Probably because it is part of my life. God uses examples that we can understand. But the answer I got is bigger than this example. I understand that this image is only an image not the whole truth.
I registered for Aïkido classes because I had been wanting to do so for 17 years.
Have you noticed how external things can influence your inner world and therefore your understanding? I believe Aïkido is good for me to progress spiritually. I don’t know how much but this martial art, being a budo, is one of the best “side path” to help me on the main road.
I don’t agree with this man on testing but what he says makes also sense.