I may read this again in a few and think that I am stupid but I think that I am alright.
The only thing that really bothers me is how much she may or not suffer both physically and emotionally.
But as far as I am concerned I am fine.
I had her in my life for 13 years. This is a lot in anybody’s life? During this years she has open my mind on movies, theater, being a woman, humor, literature and even cooking. She has shown me one of the best example of what it means to be a human being.
A couple of times people have thought that she was my mother (wonder why!) and when I came to her laughing telling her this she has answered without a laugh but with a big and sweet smile “I would love/be proud to be your mother”.
My own mother has never said something like that.
I think this is one of the thing for which I am the most grateful. Of course you need to know that these couple of times were when I was still out of the church.
Now I know I am ok. I feel better and better (I am crying as I type this but this is not out of sadness, more out of gratitude) but I still worry about her. I want her to be ok too no matter what. I want her to be happy and to feel at peace with whatever happens and I just don’t know if she is and if she is not I don’t know how to make it possible for her.
I still don’t have the courage to write this letter but I think I should make an effort.