Years of silence

It has been years since I last wrote here and I don’t know if I can’t really do an update.
Pascal and I got married and Anne is the best daughter I could imagine to have. She is not perfect and I can see some of our flaws in her. The thing is that I know and want to teach her to be different because it has not lead us to be happier. I know I need to teach her to see good and beauty in people like I used to. But I also need to find a way to teach her to be resilient to the pain inside. I can tell she is as sensitive as I am and it could be a strength if I teach her what I would have needed when I was her age.
Anne is amazing, it feels at times that she does not need me. There are fields in which she is wise beyond her age, sometimes better than some grown ups.

She is capable of discerning people’s character and to hold or not someone accountable for what happens. She is also capable of projecting herself in the futur and how relationships can evolve as she grows older. She can identify a pattern with an accuracy that gives me so much hope for her.

Pascal is everything I hoped for.

And this is the problem.

He is just like how I was but never got a chance to change and hence is now on medication against depression. He is extremely smart and envision things before they happen. The problem is that I can never prove him that although he is right, he also has been wrong. Thus he lives constantly under pressure.

As for me I am fighting hard my state of gloom thoughts. Yesterday I felt almost ok and I thought it was the beginning of the end. Well I don’t feel very good today but I remember I felt good and why I felt good. So I feel low but…not so low that one should worry about me.

Some thoughts came to my mind these days:

I remembered how I once asked for a blessing to a random priesthood holder. We wanted to stay in contact because he said he never felt such an outpouring love from Heaven for me. I lost his email but it is ok. I have a testimony from a stranger that I am loved beyond anything he had ever experienced.

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