After all I have done…

My nursery girl friend has told me in the past that my therapist goes to church when she feels like it and just does not go when she doesn’t feel like it.
Well…this is how it looks from the outside.

On monday I told my therapist about why I don’t like to kiss hello and goodbye and why I don’t like to be around people. It was nice to have her nodding her head in agreement. I did not understand it is because I am a zebra, I did not even know I am one and what it means.

Well, when I called my nursery girl friend to try to know why she read the book she told me that my therapist asked her and her husband to read the book because of their youngest daughter AND him and then she told me that “she knows the situation because she is one too”.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

It brings a whole new light on her not going to church when “she does not feel like it”.

After going to church I need to sleep for at least 2 hours, some times up to 5 and then I am ready for another good night of sleep after dinner just because of my interaction with people. One way to protect myself is to hide in empty rooms when I can and if I feel that interaction is really too much for me.
She does not skip church because she does not feel like going she does it to protect herself.
I vowed to go to church because I thought that if I started skipping church it would be an open door for slacking but I understand now that if it is really a need I can check with God for either strength to go through church OR validation of me staying home.

I understand now that I won’t be opening a door that I don’t want to open and I need to rest because I don’t know for now how to deal with people on my own.

Since I know I am allowed to be myself and since I have tested quickly people around me to actually realize that JSF (the professor who wrote the book) is right: NO I am not like everybody I feel even stronger that I need to have a bigger relationship with my Heavenly Father (if possible) to make sure I am on the right track when I make a seemingly “no consequences” decision.

Right now I should be in church. I went to RS and gave my lesson then after that a sister hurt my feelings but now I know that no matter how smart she is there is nothing she could have done to avoid me to be hurt. It is not HER it is me but in the mean time it is not my fault so I went home feeling it is ok with God because I need to re-own something that I have lost. I hope I won’t let myself slide too much and this is why I need to get even closer to God because I am walking a dangerous and narrow path. But I have the faith that it is going to be all right.

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