It’s ok to be me

I am done reading the book. It is almost the only thing I did yesterday instead of working.
I like how the therapist calls us “over touchy” or Zebras. I like both.
Actually in French “overtouchy” sounds very close to “overgifted” and this is why I like it.
She calls us Zebras because she says that the zebra is of the same family as the horse yet has never been tamed, you can spot zebras from afar because of their stripes yet their stripes is what helps them hide from danger. Eventually the stripes make her think of the scratches of life and eventually stripes are like finger prints: each his own and unique pattern.
I did not feel confident in myself enough to go back to my old self although I knew its potential. I did not know if I had learned my lesson well enough so I can protect myself from hurting too bad. I still don’t know but I now trust my therapist.
I almost laughed out loud when the author of the book mentioned how we test our therapist and how we do it. Gosh maybe it would not be a good thing to meet this woman because she could probably anticipate each of my thought and movement and….FREAKY.
Gosh I am thinking that my therapist probably knew when I was testing her and she sent me to this so as to cut the BULLSHIT I was making her go through. I think I love this woman.

Of course only the author of the book and my therapist would understand this very last sentence and why I am laughing but I needed to write it until I can tell her I love her which would be the ultimate test and this would be unfair. Yet I know that eventually she will feel that I love her and I guess it is better that I don’t tell her because she may feel it as the ultimate test when I don’t mean it although I know it will be.
Pretty much no matter how much I don’t want to make her go through it I will anyway. I guess the answer is to accept that i am going to make her take this test and to accept that she will fail. Basically keep the same spirit I came in her practice for: with no illusion.
the author of the book AND my therapist would probably disagree with my way to approach it. Oh well, let’s see what happens next.

Ray? Don’t try to comment on this. Seriously don’t.

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