again and again

I am getting to this point where “progressing” in this way that I can sense the progress and feel the spirit as a result of it like a slap in the face is getting harder. Not that I did anything wrong but I can tell I am getting a little carried away in answers to feelings and questions I have and I know this is when I am the most fragile. My issue is also that right now I need to work really hard and I have little time for spiritual stuff to strengthen my testimony and I need to find this time.
Yet what I found out that is working is to listen over the internet, as I am working, to uplifting podcast or other things.
What I am grateful for/surprised about and that I have a hard time to admit is that I am listening to the mormon Tabernacle choir when I need a little spiritual fresh air.

What is surprising about it?

The MoTab is directly linked to my abusive father who loved to make the windows shake on Sunday mornings with it to wake me up I guess.

Yes the same man who tried to rape me.

I could not hear the MoTab for as long as I can remember without having this Pavlovian reaction of anger and violence. It is really gone. I can tell it is gone and I know this is because I have grown and matured. And I also know this is part of the result of the atonement because I have wanted it and I have let it happen.

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One thought on “again and again

  1. It’s hard to type though tears, Gwen – but I am SO happy to have read this post.

    The Atonement truly is a marvelous thing!

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