Sliding through my fingers

My best friend has made a choice that I never thought she would make and to me it is the sadest one. It implies much love and dedication or whatever you can think from the man who shares her life.
Because of this choice I see her being nicer to him which makes me happy but I was hopping she would see what I was trying to explain to her when she turned to me for councelling.
Well she did see part of what I meant but I was not able to make her feel or sense the point of not making the choice she has made.
First it made me sad because I felt lonely. Not because she had not made the same choice as I have but because despite her brilliant brain she was not able to understand what I was telling her. Maybe I should have used words instead of leading her. At first it seemed like a good idea because it looked like she was understanding much more this way.
The reason why I feel lonely is because I know this choice will eventually lead to pain inside her couple despite how much they seem to have found a balance this way and I just can’t say anything.
I feel powerless.

I guess one could say that all that was expected from me was to try to help her and to always be here as a friend no matter what things will turn out to be in the future.

See, the problem is that if things turn out wrong (and I think that they will eventually) they don’t even have the atonement to understand and to help them out. I mean you know they do. It is just that they just can’t understand the idea of God or the need for it.
It is also part of their strength because they make sure their choice is the right one and if it is not you can be sure that they will do their best to fix it. But being so proud they make sure they don’t have to fix anything. They are a great example to me on how to get things done the right way. I love them so much. I just hope that I am wrong and that they’ll never hurt because of her choice.

I just hate when people that I love hurt. It is so much easier to deal with my own pain.

I guess this is interesting to think about: the ability to stand the pain you know your loved ones are going to be in without running away and be ready in case what you fear the most happens.
I guess this is one ability it takes to become like our Heavenly parents. I think I can work on this ability like they have but I wonder if I will ever be able to do it without crying for them? Do you eventually get such a broader vision that you don’t feel the pain?

I love this friend so much. She is not just my best friend I really rhink that she is the best friend I could dream of and I thought I was going to be able to give her something back for all the times she has done something. Well I have done my best but it seems that it was not enough and now I am waiting and getting ready for the day when she regrets this choice. And just for the record: I am not looking forward to this day.

On a happier note: I have found the same jewel as the one I have swallowed this summer. The one I loved so much because she had bought it for me with my piercing.
Hey! I feel really cool with it. My best friend’s boy friend said that it looks like I have something stabbed in my tongue…
…well it is the case you know.

We say that he is not cool like us. He has a tatoo and we got a piercing. We just don’t belong to the same club.

Oh and some of the students at the school just found out I have a piercing. They think I am cool. Nice. So I will have eventually been cool in High School…just 15 years too late!

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3 thoughts on “Sliding through my fingers

  1. “I guess this is one ability it takes to become like our Heavenly parents. I think I can work on this ability like they have but I wonder if I will ever be able to do it without crying for them? Do you eventually get such a broader vision that you don’t feel the pain?”~~~I think that our Heavenly Parents probably do cry for us when we make decisions they know will cause us pain, or that will cause others pain. Or perhaps it’s when we make those decisions that lead us away from Them?
    As a parent myself, I don’t know if I will ever get that broad vision you speak of. I suppose it does exist though–when the pain our children experience is for their good and their growth, but seeing them suffer is still difficult. Perhaps it makes us inhumane if we don’t feel pain for them?

  2. I came out with the idea that a vision of the big picture is what must be the key because it seems that things get easier as we understand them.
    I don’t know how long it takes to master in this field but I cannot imagine us without being able to step back if we want to begood parents.

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