Missionnaries technics

I am right now listening to this post cast.
How can I express my gratitude for my mission president?

Did we get awards on my mission?
Yes.
Did we get goals to reach?
Yes.

Yes to every question that may come to your mind.

Yet my mission has been different.
I knew this mission president, although not perfect, was a good one but listening to this podcast I understand better the feeling some had that he was made of the same material as GA.

The awards we would get were not for the numbers of baptism we had, I mean unless some crazy numbers were reach (as high as 11! Which was nothing compared to what I hear on this podcast) but we never had a hard goal to reach.
I also remember the low, extremly low goal for “tracting” we had. I know they have really high goal in some mission. Not in ours. Our misison president really wanted quality rather than quantity so he had this requirement for us to be able to count a conversation as tracting. We had to have mentionned at least 3 gospel principals or subjects such as: families, God, Jesus-Christ.
This was smart because we had to have a real conversation with them in order to put them in our numbers and therefor to care for them a little more than we would have otherwise.

Awards?
You bet we had awards.
They were for memorizing a certain amount of set scriptures.
Never for the bigest numbers.
Not only did he NOT take us out for dinner if we had big numbers but when he had to go home just a month before I did he gave a blessing to each of us. I remember what he said in mine because I wrote it down just after he did and I knew it was inspired. I still do.
Oh yeah…and all of the sisters got a hug too!

Did he used “sales” technics on the mission?
You bet he taught us to. He had worked in the advertisement all his life and after his mission went to teach it at BYU

But they were nere really applied to “the mission” but to “our mission”.
What I mean was that he cared for our growth more than for the mission growth because he knew the two were linked.
I know he helped me to become a stronger member.
Paradoxically I believe hard that if I had not served a mission and with THIS mission president I would probably not have been excommunicated. My mission and this man opened my eyes on so many things that when I came back home and knew what I needed and just could not find it, it really made things harder for me in the church as a member of the church.
I was more fragile like most missionnalies are specially when they come back to an environment where nobody understands what you come back from. And worse, all the members thought they knew because you knw…they have been long time members.
I had the theorical knowledge I needed to become a strong member but then not only did I not have the material to help but trials quickly worsen.

Up to this day I wonder if I had had what I needed when I came back if it would have made me as strong as I am today.
Excommunication is a pain to me because of what led me to this point of my life and I am not talking about the breaking of a commandment.
When I look back I still hurt and sometimes some things repeat themselves today.
The thing is that my time out of the church helped me to find in myself the material I was looking for outside.

I know the usual comments people make to this kind of thought is : yes you are stronger because you found the strength within and blah blah blah. And then they even come up with the diamond alegory sometimes. I like it and I think it is true.
But isn’t the fact that I HAD to be excommunicated to become who I am an evidence that something failed in my environment?
Wouldn’t I have been as strong but differently if things had gone they way they were supposed to? I am not talking about perfection and no trials. I am talking about a way where I could have found strength in the gospel in my ward. Where I could have been fed on the strength of others and then feed the others’ strength too.
My path makes me feel different and lonely because I have come to understand things on my own that I just can’t share with my ward and I feel it is a waste sometimes.

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5 thoughts on “Missionnaries technics

  1. Sounds like a great mission pres. Sounds like he really had his eye on the big picture.

    It’s hard to try to pinpoint where or what might have caused one to stumble. Could someone else have done more to help along the way? Probably so. But, maybe it was necessary for you to stumble. Maybe you’ve learned more about yourself because of it than you would have otherwise.
    For myself, I know that the decade or so I spent away from the church was caused by laziness on my part. Laziness in not seeking the things I should have been seeking. I don’t think it was lack of faith but more lack of self worth as well. I’ve never stopped believing in this gospel. I think I just stopped, or maybe never even began believing in myself.

  2. “when I came back home and knew what I needed and just could not find it, it really made things harder for me in the church as a member of the church.”

    “I was more fragile like most missionnalies are specially when they come back to an environment where nobody understands what you come back from. And worse, all the members thought they knew because you knw…they have been long time members.”

    “My path makes me feel different and lonely because I have come to understand things on my own that I just can’t share with my ward and I feel it is a waste sometimes.”

    If I understand you, the perils that you felt consisted of
    1) Coming down off that spiritual high of intense focused service, wanting to keep it, and feeling like you were becoming selfish
    2) Looking around at other members and feeling like they didn’t understand and drawing the conclusion from that that they weren’t as spiritually developed. Also noticing that they didn’t seem as careful in their spirituality as you thought they should be.
    3) Wanting to share spiritual discoveries and unsure who would want to listen.

    There is a lot of potential for pride and there’s almost sure to be some depression. And being told to “relax” certainly wouldn’t seem like a solution to a person who wants to keep the spiritual high and continue to be zealous.

    The solution is to relax expectations of others (They are all at various stages of development) and fast and pray for what you feel you need. It sounds like one thing you needed was someone to look up to and confide in and you also needed lots of opportunities for service.

    But it is probably terribly rude of me to speculate “coulda-woulda-shoulda” because what happened has happened.

    Perhaps excommunication was beneficial for learning some humility. Perhaps it still hurts because you resent that you now have this thing in your history. Perhaps it feels like you can’t fully trust yourself again.

    It that is the case, it can become a blessing. But only through Christ.

    (But don’t let the adversary try to twist humility into feelings of worthlessness, or pointlessness, or self-doubt.)

    One of the ways that Satan tries to separate us from the church is by trying to get us to think that we are different from everybody else and that we are somehow better, that no one will understand us and no one can help us. He wants to isolate us from others, like lions try to isolate their prey from the herd.

    I hope I’m not offending you. I’ve had my own brush with danger too.

  3. “1) Coming down off that spiritual high of intense focused service, wanting to keep it, and feeling like you were becoming selfish
    2) Looking around at other members and feeling like they didn’t understand and drawing the conclusion from that that they weren’t as spiritually developed. Also noticing that they didn’t seem as careful in their spirituality as you thought they should be.
    3) Wanting to share spiritual discoveries and unsure who would want to listen.”

    1) no
    2) no
    3) no

    “The solution is to relax expectations of others (They are all at various stages of development) and fast and pray for what you feel you need. It sounds like one thing you needed was someone to look up to and confide in and you also needed lots of opportunities for service.”

    Yes but it has been years ago now and I have understood it.

    “(But don’t let the adversary try to twist humility into feelings of worthlessness, or pointlessness, or self-doubt.)”

    You need to read my whole blog. Those feelings are among the many feelings that took me on the path of excommunication. Coming back included having overcome these.

    “I hope I’m not offending you. I’ve had my own brush with danger too.”

    No, it is just that you are reading only some part of my blog and don’t know me yet:)

    “But it is probably terribly rude of me to speculate”
    No, I am used to it. Beside you have a good, very good excuse. You are only reading and understanding things from what I write and the problem is that English is not my first language 🙂

    See the expectation from the others I need to relax on? I have learned it a long time ago and do you know how I did it?
    When I realized that no matter how right I think I am about being “so much better” or “so much ahead” of the others I may believe I am, I am still nothing compared to what I need to be and looking back on what I have already walked is kind of stupid/dangerous to do when you want to go forward. Try to walk this way on a sidewalk just for fun 😉

    Talking about progression I had a good experience last tuesday at my Aïkido class.
    This teen has started the class this year and she is extremly fragile and has strictly no strength. Because she has strictly no strength to rely on to succeed in making us fall she HAS to find other ways to put us out of balance and doing so she is doing something that we are all trying to learn and that usually takes years to master.
    I love to be partner with her.
    Oh and if you don’t know what Aïkido looks like you can youtube “Christian Tissier”.

  4. What is also kind of funny about your three points is that you express exactly what all the members think misisonaries feel like when they come back from their mission.
    Thank you for illustrating my point.

  5. “One of the ways that Satan tries to separate us from the church is by trying to get us to think that we are different from everybody else and that we are somehow better, that no one will understand us and no one can help us. He wants to isolate us from others, like lions try to isolate their prey from the herd.”
    I think Michaela made a really valid point here. Perhaps not in relation to what you’re going through, but in general. I know that personally, I’ve experienced feelings of worthlessness when I view myself compared to others in my ward. I feel like I’m grossly out of place, totally unworthy of being there. But I know this is one of Lucifers great deceptions, and I need to work my way past it.

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