Just when I came back from my seminar I went to see Belle.
I have still not figured out what was/is the best way to react.
I have told you before about her but let me re-state the situation.
Good mormon mommy.
Living way in the country side in a so remoted place that there were only dirt roads to get to her place. Closer neighbors: in laws.
Even internet ahd a hard time getting through.
5 boys one having down syndrome.
Many of us saw it coming but it seems that neither her nor her husband (let alone her in laws who are at the heart of the issue) were open about discussing the problem which is absolutely understandable and yet this would have avoided the drama.
Anyway Belle is leaving it all.
Of course there were wrong choices made. And I see clearly now what everybody sensed or thought as I did.
The problem is that some of those choices have consequences and will have more for the next generation. How to make her understand that part of the drama comes from her and that she is at the heart of the problem WITHOUT being guilty of anything?
Here is an example that did not take place in front of me but the kind of thing that happens daily in her life:
She comes with heavy pans to put on the table with the meal for a family of seven. She then sits because she is tired after such long day of cleaning and cooking and ironing and so on for the whole family and then realizes that she has forgotten to brin some water on the table.
Of course she’ll get frustrated that nobody thought about just bringing some water when she has done everything for them today and will express her frustration. To which her going 16 boy will answer with contaimpt saying that it is not his job and that SHE can do it and thata there is no way this is going to be his job.
I thought I was going to slap him.
I saw that she was encouraging me to do so but I would have done more than this, I could have destroyed him with a few sentences and this would not have been good.
I can’t believe she lets her son talk to her and about her this way.
And yes, this is the problem.
She has let her husband and her father in law and her son treat her this way. In the end she is rejecting everything and anything slightly linked to all of them (gospel included) when the problem is how she agrees to be talked to and deep inside her self esteem.
I feel sick to my stomach when I think of what I have witnessed.
One of the thing that put her off also is that she does not appreciate our new RS president (the one I love)…well…this is the thing that she has not understood. what she does not like about her is exactly what she lacks and what she needs to learn.
M-E (our RS president) is someone who has understood very young that no man would treat her the way Belle has been treated. Same as what I have understood same as my sister has understood. Yes, our RS president is very blunt, sometimes she needs to soften her way to say things which is exactly my problem! But she won’t let anyone step on her toes because she knows she deserve respect and she makes sure people show her what she deserves.
How to make Belle understand that she won’t solve her issue by running away but by getting some guts and telling men to frak off when they need to hear it?
Oh and don’t missunderstand me. It is not a post directed at men. It is just that she is very able to tell women to go to h*** when she is just this suffering shy little thing when addressing to men.