Being excommunicated

It is easy to become a member.
It is even easier to leave it or to be excommunicated.

But it is much much much harder to come back.

When you get excommunicated, if it is not a matter of losing your testimony and if you understand everything clearly you feel as I felt:
Well I screwed up and I have strictly no evidence that my effort to come back will qualify me for half of the blessings I lost when I got excommunicated. According to God’s own law I am better off living a righteous life OUTSIDE the church than trying INSIDE.

Sometimes I think the atonement can clean it all and those days I feel spiritually powerful and ready to take down mountains. I feel like I am going to do it all with His guidance and power because I know this power I feel that could be mine is really His.

Sometimes I don’t and then I feel powerless but at peace because no matter what I have felt God’s love and something that I want to qualify as “stress” about me being outside the church. He has stressed out so much that I have experience a miracle which has been a change of heart I have not asked for. And when I have one of those days I strictly don’t care if having done something wrong enough to be excommunicated disqualifies me for the blessings I was entitled to before because I am grateful enough for the miracle I have experienced. This is probably the most wonderful experience I have had in my life and this is enough for me.

And if this is the closest I’ll ever get to God because my excommunication is something serious then let it be. I am not even sure I’d be able to handle more spiritual happiness anyway.

2 thoughts on “Being excommunicated

  1. I think that repenting means the slate is wiped clean, so I think that you will be, or are eligible for every single blessing you had before. Of course, sometimes I super idealistic and just don’t get it, but I really do think that this is true; God loves you and is SO very happy that you are making strides towards achieving eternal life with Him and he’s just waiting to pour those blessings out upon you!! Keep up the good work. I think you’re fantastic and doing an awesome job!!!!

  2. I got a little irritated by what I read on the web about people who have been excommunicated. Like some people think they have it all figured out. This is my answer to those who think this way if they should ever read my blog.
    I really don’t know if I am doing great or not. I just know how sometimes I feel at peace and sometimes I don’t and sometimes I just feel a little lost.
    What matters to me is what I felt last year and the best way to describe it is divine “stress” from our Heavenly Father about me. I strictly don’t care about the rest. I really don’t care if I don’t deserve anything else.

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