My grand-mother called me from Lebanon.
I have been wanting to call her or to write to her since we came back from Nice and I had even started to write a letter.
I feel so sorry for her. I am so sad. She may not have been perfect but she does not deserve what she got.
But she has confirmed to me what I have sensed. I deeply believe that God not only loves her like he loves any of His children but I really think He is happy about how she has turned to him.
I am feeling low these days. Not that there is anything wrong really going on in my life but I see a lot of people going through hard times and I know now that there is nothing I can do to change it. I can do things to help but it will work only as much as they want it to work.
I spent yesterday evening with Belle and once again I have felt extremely sad. I know her husband was wrong but how in the world could he had gotten it when she even let her own sons treat her like a doormat? I understand that I need to be here for her but she won’t get better until she changes it and right now the only advice she listens to are those which encourage her to confront her “still” husband. It is wrong, this is not how she will get better.
I feel low because I want to do something. I want to change it and the best I can do is be here and wait because doing more would only result in a more negative out come.
I understand how God does NOT interfere with our lives as much as many people would want Him to. I understand the need to behave this way but I still have to learn how not to feel low and bitter. I am not really bitter but I think I would become if my life was only about looking at people making mistakes that I have solved already or that I could solve, knowing they have the potential to do it by themselves and still don’t.
I guess it is a matter of “big picture” stuff. Or at least I hope it is because if it is another skill to develop it is going to be much cry, blood and tears again.
How can He trust us?