I really wish I had a father

With the priesthood that I could turned to for a blessing. I know I can turn to my home teachers or any brother in the church but I wish I could just pop up and ask my father a blessing.
I need one these days. I have many questions that I have a hard time finding an answer to and it is getting more and more confused and I don’t do well in confusion.

I guess getting married would be a good way also to have the priesthood at home but I am in one of this time when I just don’t want anything. I feel grumpy and no it is not because I am PMSing.
And I thought that adolescence was over!

One of the hardest thing for me about finding any kind of interesting person (and I am not even thinking about finding a friend or more) is that I have standards that I refuse to lower because I have done it before and I have wasted so much that I am not willing to do it again.
One of the thing I am looking for is courage.
I am not talking about the courage to stand up for your values and all type crap around it because when you meet one of these perfectly right person, most of the time they just “stood up” out of ignorance toward others. Thus confronting one ignorance to another one.
What I mean by courage is what it takes to leave the wide and enticing path of Mormonism to develop a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father and doing so developing spirituality. I am not talking about those who are in the church and have some crazy point of view on details concerning the gospel. You know what I am talking about.
I am talking about those who free themselves (or at least try) from what the church expect them to do to follow what God expects from them. This is why I love my RS president so much. She is one of those. As I have said many times I just disagree with her on about any gospel topic but we get along really great because she is the kind of person I am looking for.

I know I can let go with her and maybe we can become real good friends. I know she is looking for friends and support in this ward. Hey! She knows she already got my support. I don’t know about my friendship because I take longer now to grant it. I like to build this kind of relationship slower now.

Anyway I am glad she is around because I would feel very lonely. Not that have not prepared myself for this situation but it is nice to have her around still.

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