I don’t want to go. I feel irritated and I am tired.
There was a neighborhood party yesterday evening and you have to have an authorization for those things specially with all that was involved. So there was no point calling the police because it was all legal.
It is not the fact that it lasted until late because I often fall asleep later than that. It is more because the music was way too loud and stressing me out.
I guess this is the real reason why I don’t want to go to church. I am grumpy.
but considering that I have not been to church last week and that the previous week I had gone only to sacrament meeting I feel horrible thinking that I could just skip church without a real reason. I mean I don’t really care about what other feels if I am grumpy, it is just that now that I am back to the church it would be rather odd to skip it when I have been making efforts to go when I was not a member.
Will someone kick my butt?
Oh no wait! If you do I may be worse because I will have someone to be mad at. Never mind.
Anyway I am really enjoying my reading of the NT. I wonder what has been the drives, the motivations, whatever to make people believe that Jesus was a dull lemming just following some “heavenly father’s” desire. The more I read it, focusing on anything but the too well known scriptures, the more I understand Him.
And the more I understand Him the more I understand why He understands me but also the more I feel the need for a little change in my life. Because if I am entitle to be irritated by others how much more is He about us me included?
I have also come to the understanding for my absolute rejection of the Molly Mormon type of woman. All these things to me are just modern days Pharisians. I think that next time I get an opportunity to because I will be reproached anything or be told anything about the image I convey or the image others may convey I will suggest the person to stand in the corner of a street and start praying out loud!
This is what bothers me in the church (but I am church it is the case in many churches). People work on the outside hoping it will change the inside. “Fake it until you make it”. It is true, it can work but only in some circumstances and most of the time when you’re not a teenager anymore it does not work so well.
When we talk about Parisians we often think of hypocrites but I doubt Jesus meant only one kind of hypocrisy. I may be thinking too high of Him but I sincerely believe He meant any kind of pretended feelings or spirituality, even the lies we tell to ourselves.
Not that Jesus could have been smart 😛 but humans did not change that much over the centuries and I am pretty sure that the lies humans tell themselves and the motivations behind it are pretty much the same whether you’re talking about now or 500 years ago or 2000 years ago.
This fear or being cast out from the community makes me laugh specially when we’re talking about a religious community. Let’s see, if yours is a religious one then your aim must be some kind of deity. But then if you do what your deity is expecting from you why would you fear the community? And if you’re right and they cast you out aren’t they invalidating themselves by doing so?
So your fear of being cast out may very well invalidate your community in the sight of the deity you’re worshiping.