Because having a friend means being one when the time comes.
And this is one of those times.
And I realize that I can’t handle more than one friend if I want to be a true one.
I am waiting for her call.
Here is the situation.
She has been with the same boyfriend for 8 years.
She is not married but it is almost the same since they are what we call “PACsés”. It is the same as being married but it is for straight couples as well as homosexual ones.
So let’s call him her husband although she would kill me for calling him this way. Long story that I am not going to explain here but basically it will be easier for you to consider them married.
Anyway she has been “PACsée” to him for a few years now and they have bought a home together a year ago.
And she has fallen in love with someone else.
She still loves her husband and she would die rather than hurt him. She loves him but she is in love with someone else. the problem is that she is hurting because although she has not done anything wrong (and does not want to ) she has the feeling of not being honest with him and the feeling that she is not being honest with the other person either.
So she has decided to tell the other person about her feeling and hoping to make it clear that she is not expecting anything but the situation to be clear and clean.
The problem is that obviously this person is going to feel bad about her husband and she knows this person DOES NOT have those feelings. But it has become really obsessing to get it off her chest. She can’t sleep. She is not really there. She can’t focus at work.
We talked just before my Aïkido class and I felt horrible the whole class through. I could not focus either and I just wanted to cry. I love her husband. He is close to perfection. He is a real friend although of course he means less to me than she does. I could barely look at him in the eyes.
She and I know that he would forgive her and this is almost worse. I think this is probably one of the thing that is preventing from doing something wrong: he would forgive her.
But I am her friend and he would know that I would have known it all. And I feel horrible about what my friend is going through as I am typing this words and horrible thinking about her husband.
Yes. I can’t handle more than one friend because I would not be able to handle this tension for someone else more than once in my life. I can be a friend, but love someone like I love her is something different and I know I just don’t want more friends. I may be able to stretch and improve but right now this is what I am finding out about my limits. I really can’t.