Talking about something else

This trip to Nice was really good.
I have felt sorry for my grand mother who only got to see my sister for such a short period of time. My grand mother will always be a pain in the neck but I could tell she was holding herself back so as not to bother us too much and thus maybe spoiling a chance to spend more time with us and specially with my sister.
I have seen the sorrow my mother brought because of her behavior and this has been agreat lesson. I never thought that she was right not even when I was younger but now that I am an adult I can really measure how much sadness she has created.
There was no question before concerning my choices but now I know why my family is really the only thing I have.
There is one memory that sticks to my mind and that I cherish even more now that I am an adult and understand what is meant for my grand-mother.
Of course my mother always taught me that her mother did not love her and she was physically abused and blah blah blah.
She raised me basically associating my grand-mother to Satan.
Don’t laugh.
In my my mind as a child this was what she was.
My grand-mother is catholic and this has always meant something to her.
When I got baptized she came to my baptism and brought me a gift. It may not sound much but knowing my grand-mother this memory now brings tears to my eyes. She brought me some materials to start sewing. My grand-mother does it really good and this has always been her pride to have her daughters wearing the most beautiful dresses that she had made herself.
To think of such a gift was not about spoiling me but really about thinking of me and what I could learn right now for my future.
I know how much it cost her to be there at my baptism as she totally opposed to this “cult” but I don’t remember one word or one facial expression that spoiled this day.
Maybe she said something to my mother (I doubt it though) but she didn’t to me and she was there from Lebanon.
There is too much emotions and to many things I still need to clear out because one thing that I realize now is that my grand-mother probably loves me more than I love her.

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