I am trying to find a job that will be compatible with the one I already have and I may have found one but I still need to be hired.
I would not be much but it is good enough for me.

I have also downloaded the file to become a substitue teacher. I doubt it will help but I will be able to say that I will have done my best.
I doubt this is really what God has in store for me because if He wanted me to do this all my life there is actually a financially safer way for me to do it and He would have blessed me with success for this test.

I am still angry. Like really angry at myself. I don’t think, or maybe I just cannot remember, I have ever been this angry at myself.
Nobody is to be blamed for this failure but me.

I wish I had a way to express my feelings and emotions beside this blog. There are plenty of ways but none that I can afford.

Anyone’s got a good scripture for me please?

I don’t think there is one single scripture that really apply to anger in this case.
I am not angry at the jury. I think they wondered how in the world one could be this stupid. They probably don’t believe I can handle students and yet I can do it much better than a lot of teachers.
I am not even angry at the bad teachers I see around me. They just make me sad, not angry.
I am furious at myself because everything was easy. Everything was what I had been hoping for and I just spoiled my only chance to have something better.
I feel worthless not just because I failed but because I failed something that was given to me.
How in the world can I hope for something good if I cannot handle it properly?

2 thoughts on “Jobs

  1. Honestly, I feel like whining back at you to make you see how useless it is to wallow in your anger. It’s self-pity, and you need to get it out of your system and move on. So . . .

    BREATHE! I mean that. Take a deep, cleansing breath and let it out audibly. BREATHE! Slow down your body and emotions and just feel calmness. It really does help.

    Now . . . focus on getting a job (any job for now) and THEN re-evaluate your long-term options. I’m in the process of changing career paths for the fourth time since I graduated from college, and the key is just to slow down emotionally, step back and start again.

    Do that (and keep praying), and you’ll be ok – even when you still aren’t ok yet.

  2. I was in an A grade practice in a small town. I needed to move to a larger town for a number of reasons.

    Which meant moving to a D grade level practice (given the bias against the perceived and often real quality of practice in small towns). It was hard and painful, like working in McDonalds in order to move to London.

    But eventually I was able to transition. It was long and hard, but it eventually happened.

    Some things just take small steps, over and over again.

    So center, just like Ray suggests or you need to in Aikido.

    Create a foundation. Then work from there.

    You can do it, I did. To move to DFW meant taking a job working six days a week at about 24k a year. For a b.v. rated attorney with significant experience, that isn’t very much. But it was what we needed to do.

    Things are somewhat better now. But it was long and hard.

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