Back home

It was hectic and wonderful.
I brought tones of stuff that I would not find where I live, specially spices to make Lebanese dishes.
I have felt loved and understood and I know my sister has felt loved too and has understood a lot of things. Probably not as much as she will as she grows older and remember some of the things that have been said but enough to understand me a little better I think.
My cousins are the greatest little cousins on Earth. Ok they are not little. I am saying this just because I love them.
I had seen Marine only twice before this. Once when she was a baby and once when she was 10 or 11. nothing to have a reason to feel like knowing her more. She has turned into an amazing young adult.
My aunt Myriam taught me how to recognize wild asparagus that she picks up when she goes for a walk. So know I know how to recognize eatable mushrooms, wild asparagus, wild onions…
She got us some Rosemary that she dried for us to take home 🙂
Just for your info, this is my kind of fun.
Amusement parks get quickly boring for me. Looking for wild asparagus and picking up Rosemary IS fun.
I am sad for my grand-mother though. She has now understood that my mother is mentally ill and she feels guilty about it. Like maybe she has not breast fed her enough when she was a baby and that she has not felt loved enough. To which my other aunt told her it was ridiculous.
She had lost a 6 days baby boy before the birth of her first son and because of this she was really not in shape either physically or psychologically to great another baby boy although she had done everything to be pregnant again as soon as possible. And this son just loves his mother and is psychologically absolutely sane (ok maybe not but I love how crazy he is LOL).

It is hard, the more I learn the more I understand what my aunts mean and the more I see that my mother has always been unbalanced but nobody really realized how bad it could become because when she was younger there was just no way one could imagine or understand this kind of thing. And the more I understand the more I take pity on my mother because there is her disease on one side and there is her pride on the other and she is just not happy. At least if she wear I know her mother and her sisters would feel better. But she is not happy. I have seen her youngest sister really sad about it.

I love her family. I realize that I am really a part of her family and I am sorry that she cannot enjoy them.
But at least I can! Ha Ha Ha Ha

My youngest sister is going to fit in just perfectly. As we say she is going to be like a fish in water. This is just where she belongs to. When she sees the picture of our cousin doing what she has been forbidden from doing for yeeeeeeeeears she is going to understand that this is where she needs to be.
The crazy-amazing-unbelievable thing that she has always been forbidden to do being:
a hug to our sister!

2 thoughts on “Back home

  1. I’m glad you had a good trip. It sounds like it was wonderful. Good family connections made. I’m happy for you. :o)

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