I feel good

Alright.
Now I am telling you the truth.
The truth is that when I asked for a blessing before I took the written test I asked it to someone I trust and he just said “you will pass this contest” in the blessing.

You may find it natural but I don’t.
I don’t trust my understanding of this kind of thing anymore. Although the meaning is pretty obvious I just don’t trust how obvious it is.
My last success proves me wrong and proves the blessing true and proves me that I was right to feel good and confident about this blessing. But still there is like “WOW!!!!!” feeling.
I don’t know how to explain it. It is a feeling that mixes distrusting and being amazed.
I know I need more faith but once again it is because I don’t want to fall in the same traps I fell in when I was younger: not caring about anything and taking everything for granted.
I am sure God loves the fact that I don’t take his blessing for granted but I am sure He would love me to trust Him a little more just because I would be happier in my daily life and this is all He really wants.
Lately I have been more demanding in my prayers concerning this CAPES. I have asked him not only to let me pass it but also to let me pass it AND have the knowledge I need to deserve it for sure and to be a good teacher.
Crazy me.
Not only do I want a blessing but I also want the blessing of being good at something.
I know this may be funny to read but I really feel like I am demanding when honestly, if anyone else would tell me the same I would think that it is right.
What’s wrong with me?

I have not told my mother or my best friend or my boss. They tend to put a pressure on me by their look or their comments and if I fail (yes, I know, God said that I won’t but I can’t help myself being cautious) I don’t want them to be like “we knew it” and being disappointed. It is the worse thing for me.
But I have told everybody else.
LOL

If I pass the first thing I want to do is save money to buy myself a house or an apartment. It will be crazy! To own my place. WOW!!!!
I am browsing real estate web sites and looking at prices going down slowly. By the time I am ready to buy I think the prices will have dropped enough so I can have a good place for a good price.
A wonderful and huge place for cheap would be better but this is not what I really need 🙂
I will also be able to pay for my sisters’ university in case their father decides to be a jerk again. I don’t think he’ll be a pain for LaBlonde but I am pretty sure he will be for my youngest sister. So if I pass they won’t have to worry no matte what happens.

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2 thoughts on “I feel good

  1. I understand – that you’re weird. *grin* Just kidding.

    I think it’s neat that your first thought is to take care of someone else. That says something important.

  2. My first thought is to buy my own place!!!!!
    All right…It is indeed equal to taking care of my sisters.

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