Feeling up and down in the mean time

I am re-reading D&C and I am experiencing what I have heard from others. It feels like it is the first time I am opening this book.
I have a hard time believing how many commandments are given in it that we NEVER EVER talk about.
As usually these commandments are what I call common sense but I see why it was needed since they have been given and most people don’t follow them.
In 32 years I have never heard them quoted. I would love to be given a new talk and be able to quote them since God himself says: This is a commandment.

I have been feeling good after Aïkido practice for the first time. I am so happy about Aïkido and the fact that my sister is doing it too. I love to check out on what I have learned with her.
I can’t wait to get my “passport”. This is the little thing that says that I am officially registered as someone who studies Aïkido and that will help officially keep track of my progression.

There is an article in the Liahona (the foreign equivalent of the Ensign) that I want to read and put a comment about on my blog for any American reading my blog or coming across it. Your country is taking the path we have many years ago for about the same reasons as we have many years ago and this is a wrong path. The motives are good. The way is bad.

I am experiencing a big “faith” problem. this month has been rather challenging.
I am not talking about “spiritual faith” just trust in God.
I should get my results on Tuesday and I have put everything in the hands of God and I am just practicing trusting Him.
I have a hard time explaining my issue.
It feels like a success would actually be the real faith test.
If I fail as I expect, this would be my “comfort” zone since I already trust Him for leading me where He wants me to be and I “trust” Him to lead me where I don’t want to go.
But succeeding would ask me to trust Him in his trust in me and this would also ask me an effort of real humility in acknowledging His power.
I know He can do it all. But I know how this test work and for me, opening a sea takes less ability that making me succeed this test. Physics is much easier to manipulate than us.
I must say that it would shake me deeply to succeed in good ways but also in ways that I don’t know at the moment if I will deal with it properly and grow from this experience.
Before I was excommunicated I took my reactions (that were good) as granted. But I have grown and I am more mature. I have changed and I don’t know how I would react to success. I deal much better with failure as hard as they may be.
I was shocked yesterday.
I saw my reflection in a glass door and it was a shock to me to see a woman and not “a girl” as I have been or seen myself for a long time even after I came back from my mission.
It felt to me like it was not me. not the me I have been used to and I loved what I saw but it felt like it was too much.
Oh don’t think I was looking good. LOL
I was just something that I have been dreaming to see since I was a teenager. A grown woman.

And I love this woman but there are still things that I don’t know about her such as how she will react to success. I know how she used to react when she was a young woman but I don’t know what it will be like now.

I have been having migraines, I sleep only 5 hours a night and all this because of this FRAKING CAPES. No matter what the outcome is Tuesday is going to be the first day of many good nights…unless I have passed this first part since there is a second part for those who have passed the written part.


1 thought on “Feeling up and down in the mean time

  1. I think I understand your concerns. It’s kind of like how the Nephites did really well for a while, and then after some time of affluence and added wealth, they started to become prideful. You’re not wanting to go down that path. I’m not too sure how I would do either if I was very successful at something, but I think the fact that you’re concerned about how you’ll react is a good sign.

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