A few weeks ago I talked to one of the person I kept in touch from my mission.
This feeling I got from the phone call remained there and has recently increased to a better understanding of the whole plan on higher spiritual level because of Guillaume’s departure for the MTC.
For those of you who did not go to a mission or did not go to the MTC you need to know about it.
It is a place where missionaries are supposed to be trained for the mission and you have no idea of how much some of us don’t really appreciate it.
Because we work hard, we sleep little (you must think that this is the reason why we don’t really like it but no the reason is), we are treated like Gods and Goddesses by the people working there. I am sure that the Royal Family in GB is not treated as nicely. And we don’t like it because it is too much. Many missionaries really enjoy it and I must say that it was a sweet time I would actually go back to. But back then I did not like it that much because it was not real and it was not the reason why I had come on my mission. I was so eager to go in the field and to test myself. I was jumping up and down with impatience as were some others.
You need to know that when I was on my mission all the mission had a lingo in common that was kind of different if you did not know what it meant.
You first companion (for sisters) was your “mother”, you first district leader was you “father”. therefore any other greeny your mom had trained was your sister and when your companion would leave you would “kill her”. As for myself I have lost track of my “sister” and I have “killed” my “mother” (as many have actually).
If you have gone on a mission you know that the reason why we come back wiser is because within a very short period of time we have gone up and down all the emotions you go through in a life but without the time to deal with it and without mom and dad you can turn to (but through letters which add even more to the allegory). So you had to learn whatever you needed really fast and really good to be the kind of missionary you came to be.
And the past weeks I have had a feeling that this was really something God wanted us to understand.
When our leaders have told us that we were of royal breed it was not a way to make us feel good in this world where we have so many reason to feel down.
This is a fact that nothing can prove but that I know for real.
When we were up in heaven going through the training we needed to come here we were treated with love, admiration, respect by those who were there to teach us and serve us because they knew what we were going to go through and they knew that they were in presence of respectable beings who (for some) one day would become the highest beings one could be.
They wanted to give us all the love they could right then because they knew they would not be able to do it once we would have left for Earth. They knew that once we would have left nothing would be the same even if love and memories were still real. We would come back battered for some, hopefully wiser but definitely not the cute little spirit they had known, trained, loved. And they wanted it. But they were also eager to do a good job so as to give us the best tools to make the best out of the time we had on Earth.
They loved us and deeply respected us because we were princesses and princes and someday we would inherit everything from our Father.
A life is not just an amount of minutes and memories that mean something for only one person at a time. A life is a sacred test no matter how unimportant it looks like to us right now.
Through my life, my excommunication and the way God pulled me back in. Through the sacred feelings I got and the memories of my mission because of Guillaume’s mission I now understand that we have too little time and too many things to take care of and that we should not mes up with our time here. and living 90 years is not better than living 18 because matters are the truth we learned and what our heart is when we go back home. There is no second chance because our eternal progression won’t allow wasted time.
I understand the need for trust in God. Trust that He wants only our best and won’t set up for less than that but there are so many things that He cannot tell us right now. Sometimes it is not because we cannot understand. Sometimes we can understand intellectually a lot of things He would like us to know but these are things we have to learn. There is a purpose in learning.
I am currently experiencing a lot of things I knew when I was younger and I feel much closer to God in this state than in my previous state.
I understand also all the things I need to work on.
I need to stop wanting things to happened because I know they are better. This is my biggest stumbling block right now. And knowing more, understanding more does not help improving my patience with people. I am just praying that I have enough time to learn it because I sense that it is one Eternal lesson to learn.