leaving tomorrow

What a borring title again.

Anyway, it is over, I don’t have to wait anymore.

Do you know what’s funny/nice about THIS wait?

When I was waiting all these months to get rebaptized part of my feelings were pretty childish and inapropriate. I mean it is a good thing to be excited but sometimes I was excited more like a child than spiritually excited (yes, it is possible, I have experienced it). this time it is ok to be like a child and to be light and not too serious. Well I have to remember that I am not there JUST to enjoy my time. I am there also to do a few things for the kids in the school I work for, I have to remember to bring a few gifts for my friends, I have to remember I need to talk, talk, talk to practice and get some of my english back (you did not really believe that this was the best I could do, did you?). Then when I come back I need to work hard for the test I want to take to become a teacher.

You never know, even if I want really bad to go back to the US I may as well never do.

The worse (which I think is very likely to happen) would be to have both options failing.

I mean it would be the worse for me but somehow I just don’t feel it would be horrible. It is just the worse in this way that I don’t have any other option on my mind right now. But looking back at my life I know I have come out so many things that I don’t see anything that could really scare me anymore.

There is one thing that I try not to think too much about but it is still here on my mind. I know my little sister would be thrilled if something worked out for me. You may say that this is what family is about but this is pretty new to me. She is genuinly caring about me. She is not that crazy about the US and I know she would miss me but she just wants me to succeed something.

I call her sometimes the ice queen. She is cold. She is shy and even if I know this is only shyness sometimes I wish she were a little warmer. But when something important and good may be happening to me, or when something good is actually hapening to me she has a way to be silent that is different. It feels like she has been punched in the stomach. This is not in a negative way. It is just that instead of refraining from talking she just can’t talk because she does not know what to say.

if things don’t turn out the way I would like them to turn out I will have to be careful not to be too disapointed because I know she will be truly and really sad.

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One thought on “leaving tomorrow

  1. She sounds a little like me I think. I am often quiet and shy–mostly because I don’t know what to say. I think some people might take that as beeing stand-offish, or stuck up. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I just usually feel sort of dumb and out of place in most situations. Something I must really work on is stepping out of my safe zone.

    I really hope things work out the way that you are hoping for them to. I’m sure whatever happens, there will be something to be learned.
    Hope you have agreat train ride, and a great flight. I’m looking forward to hearing all the details of your trip. :o)

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