Why I cannot but will forgive my mother

The past week have been tough as far as my relationship with my mother is concerned and for the forst time I don’t feel it is all her fault.
I think it is partly because I am realizing that she cannot do anything anymore about how she is but I can. And the first thing I need to do is to learn not to react anymore. It is like a pavlovian reflex, as soon as her voice rises in intensity I ract a certain way and her voice always does it so I always do it too. she is irritating and I know she does it on purpose, not conciously but she does and I know why.
I know she wants to push me to my limits so someday I will enventually make the same choice as I have and thus she will feel justified in hers.
But reacting the way I do and not wanting to cut off from her just makes it hell for the both of us. She can’t change, she has chosen her way a long time ago and her pride won’t let her admit she was wrong and has hurt all the people who loved her.
So I need to change. I cannot right now because it is a long process but I have done it before when it was harder so I will do it this time too.
Along with progressing and making our life easier it is also the only way I can be sure that I am truly not like her.
All this came from talking with my aunt. Every time we have talked together since I am an adult seems to have re-inforced my understanding of the history behind my relationship with my mother. I don’t have to talk or to explain things, it seems that my aunt just come up with the same conclusion as me (only nicer than me) and with stories that I did not know that are evidences of it. and if you think that I have been influenced in my life by my aunt and what she could have told me as I grew up just forget about it. My mom cut off from pretty much all her family. I mean it takes them to make a special effort to have news from her.
I am sad and angry against her and yes I do harbor feeling that are just not right according to the covenant I have made.
Therefore I need to change.

2 thoughts on “Why I cannot but will forgive my mother

  1. Well, seems like perhaps you’re taking a giant step here by recognizing that you can and will eventually forgive her. I think Heavenly Father can understand that it may take a bit of time for you. I’ll pray for you in this struggle. I am fortunate I guess in that I’m a pretty forgiving person I think. But I struggle in other areas. I hope that you will be able to find the forgiveness you need. Is the book “The Peacegiver” available in France? (here’s the link):
    I haven’t read it myself, but from what I understand, it’s about forgiving others. Perhaps it would help? (perhaps you’ve already read it) :o)

  2. Don’t worry, we have none of this literature in France because the market if just not worth it (we are about 30 000 to 35 000 members in France) so you can be sure I have never read it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s