The pleasure to study

I did not sleep well last night therefore waking up was tough. Since I had to work today I really wanted to read my scriptures before going to work.

I did.

You should have seen me, I was rather funny. It was so hard to open my eyes and to force both of them to focus so I could read that I would open one eye after the other because I really wanted to read and enjoy the feeling it brings for the day, how it makes me feel during the day. It is really nothing much and I almost don’t feel the difference if I don’t have to go outside or do something special. It is subtil. It feels like being wraped in a soothing cloud all day long which makes negative or hard things more bearable.

I am just grateful beyond words that our Heavenly Father kicked me back into the church. I am curious to know why but if I never found out I’ll be fine.

It feels so good to enjoy reading my scriptures. I never did before I was excommunicated. I just read them because I had to but never felt this connection between God and me when reading them. Now I do. Yes you’re going to say that there lies the begining of the answer and I will tell you that you’re right.

Before I moved out, a long time ago (a month ago) when I had a lot of free time. I would not necessarely read my scriptures right away in the morning. I would often spend the whole morning searching the net for things to study gospelwise or concerning the mormon cultur. Then I would read my scriptures with a more prepared brain. I miss having access to my own computer and internet and I miss having time to do it.

I understand now what I study, what I learn. I also know what I want and know what I need to work on.

I am aware now that I am not strong. Not at all. But I know where my weaknesses are now. I am aware of them. I am not talking about the obvious things. I am talking about the little slight things that in the end close my spirit and prevent it from being in tune with His spirit such as my awefull tendency to sarcasm. Sarcasm is ok, it is funny, it is witty. But too much will not lead me anywhere but where I have been. It was ok to be there for a while. I have learned what I needed to learn and I don’t need to go back because this time I will really lose myself. And I am what I have best.

15 thoughts on “The pleasure to study

  1. I really appreciate the thoughts about sarcasm. I have a naturally sarcastic wit, and I have had to learn over the years to rein it in and not express it very much.

  2. I eventually came to the point where all any situation could be turned into a joke. I could make fun of everything and anything because I would see the ironic aspect of things all the time. Then I would make fun of all the “mormons” comment I would hear, thus I closed my heart to what I could learn.
    Sarcasm helps me keep down to earth and keeps me aware of what the sensitive line has been crossed. But it kept me so down to earth that my soul was not able to rise anymore.

  3. You might get more readership if you spell check. There are many grammatical errors in your writing. That may chase some people away- they will think you are uneducated and not worth reading.

  4. Or a foreigner maybe? How about telling me what are my mistakes so I can correct them? Spellcheck on a foreign computer will only tell me how wrong my sentences are in my own language. And yes I have tried to change it to US english before and it would not correct me or would highlight every single word I would type even a simple “hello”.

  5. Some comments are better left ignored. On the other hand, this person might not know you are writing in another country, so the charitable, non-sarcastic response might be to chalk it up to lack of understanding and simply continue to write what you write – doing the best you can do.

    Fwiw, it’s never bothered me – and I am an editor by nature.

  6. Hey! I meant it when I said that I want people to correct me.
    Sometimes I spot my mistakes, these days I tend to write “their” a lot instead of “there”. This kind of mistakes are easy to correct. But I a sure there are some that I just forgot about, so if you’re an “editor by nature” please correct me.
    The thing is that s/he made a point without intending to do so. Most people when reading my blog for the first time might not realize that I am a foreigner and then think that I am little educated.

  7. Believe me, if I start correcting your posts (or almost anyone else’s, for that matter), I can get incredibly picky, and I generally do not want to do that on a public blog. However, I will try to pay more attention and mention anything that I think might not be a simple typo.

    For example, I would not bother pointing out that “…I a sure there are some that I just forgot about,” should be, “I a(m) sure there are some …” I’m positive that is simply an oversight and typo. However, I would mention the following: “This kind of mistakes are easy to correct.” It should read either, “Th(ese) kind(s) of mistakes are easy to correct,” or, “This kind of mistake (is) easy to correct.”

    Is that what you want – and do you mind having it recorded on your blog for all to see?

  8. I don’t mind and yes this is what I want.

    What you corrected in this example is something I know BUT that I don’t “know enough” to remember. Does it make sense? Then my own language kicks back since both would be acceptable.
    I am going to leave the mistake for this time so what you wrote will make sense when others read my blog.

  9. shuttheduckup,
    Maybe I should take your comment as a compliment since my mistakes were not bad enough that you told yourself that I was obviously foreigner ;o)

  10. I think you do fantastic. If I tried to type my posts in any other language, I would probably offend a ton of people. I’ve taken a little Spanish and French in school, but just enough to completely confuse myself. LOL

  11. I write in english to both practice (and not to lose what I have) and the pleasure of thinking in english. I heard Jodie Foster once talking about the fact that when you speak a foreign language you change skin. And this is absolutely true.
    Once B and I talked about it (even if I make mistakes ;o) when I speak english first there is a physical change because my voice is different. YOU HAVE TO slower your pace when you switch from french to english and therefore I speak with a lower and more calm voice. then you have to think another way and very often it is an oppposite way from how I have been taught to function in my language. All these efforts are a pleasure even if I don’t read out loud my posts.
    Maybe I should since it would make me wonder about my sentences and avoid some mistakes sometimes (well not all of them probably).

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