(Can you tell I am a BSG fan?)
It feels good to be back.
I was so nervous but I know I did an awesome job at not showing anything. The thing I have notice about trying to tame my emotions is that I can’t prevent them from being but I can use them, I can use their energy for something else. And the something else is to make the right choices everyminutes of the day, then every hour of the week. If I manage to make the best choices in the best spiritual condition this week I know I will be able to set a patern for the rest of my life.
One good thing about me that is where my strength comes from is that I know myself. I am not saying that if I do this my life will be perfect and all. I am only saying that if I can watch myself this whole week this will be an evidence that I have learned what I think I have.
Honestly I know I am going to make it.
I arrived first at church. The elders (who were going to fill the baptism fount) arrived after and then all the others, the bishop was the last one.
We had to do it twice, my arm came out the first time but it was not because I was scared it was because there was really not enough water.
this morning I had realized I did not have any white underwear. With the church baptism dress nobody would have known it but I would have. So I stopped by a store on my way to church to buy some.
I came back home really late in the afternoon because I just did not feel like going home right away although my feet were killing me.
You’re reading the blog of one of the most clean person on Earth…enjoy.
I need also to relate to you why I love my little sister and how much I love her.
Yesterday she has just taken care of everything concerning her moving in with me. She did it with her father yesterday so ther was quiet a confusion and a little frustration that she had not told me anything. But then when I knew that she was going to tell me about it and it was just because everything had been decided yesterday I just felt so proud of her.
I love this child.
Yes she is a child.
She is 18!
Honnestly she has not been a child since she turned 17. I don’t know what happened but when she turned 17 she just stopped being a teenager. Considering that she started acting like one when she was 14, she was a brat only for 3 years.
and honestly she was not really a terrible teenager. She was just the kind who would not open her mouth even to save her own life. Then she would just explode like a bomb for the stupidest thing most of the time regarding church topics.
She can be still a little narrow minded about some subject but honestly I like her this way and I guess she is probably more safe this way, don’t you think?
One very important thing that had been bothering me for the past days has been my father. He is not bothering me. Our relationship is bothering me.
I feel inspired to write him a letter but I really don’t know what words to use to tell him how I feel. I have been writing a first letter but I am sure that it is not the letter I should send.
I don’t hate him. To be honest I know I can say I have forgiven him everything (and I am not talking about the most obvious). but I want to tell him this and I want to invite him to repent not for me but for him.
I have forgiven him, I am not the one who need him to repent. He is the one who needs it for himself and I doubt my sisters would feel bad about him both repenting and coming back to the church. I don’t know if there is hope for my mother. I know my sisters are happy about me, I know they feel better now that it is not just the two of them in the church and the rest of the family either being outside or almost hostile. But I also know it would mean the world to them if their father would repent and be active again.
Oh! And of course thank you Mikki for the E-card.