It just hit me

This is still about my patriarchal blessing.

Toward the end I am told to do family history and to search for my ancestors so that they can make the same covenants as I will have made so that they can be comforted.

My mother has done quiet a bit on her side so there is my biological father’s side that need to be taken care of. When I was younger I went through a time when I really wondered why I was born, what was the purpose of me being here aside from the “gaining a body” thing? Between my patriarchal blessing and much pondering I came to the point when I had a strong feeling that part of the reason why I had come was to give these people a chance to get baptized since I am the only one of their descendant who is a member (almost again) of the church.
Yet in the mean time I was disturbed by the fact that I had spoiled their chance by being adopted.
Let me explain to you because I don’t know how it works where you live.
Anyone here can go through the records BUT for records that are previous 110 years ago. Then only the direct family is entitled to look through them. My issue being that I lost this right by being adopted.

But I realized that when I was given this blessing I had already been adopted.

There must be a way out for me to do this work for them. Even if I owe them to have been such idiots in this life that they did not manage to have descendents bright enough to understand how great I am and that it is a luck for people like them to have someone like me to love.
You think I am kidding and being funny?
Nope, I really mean it.
If my biological father had only abandonned me it would be bad enough but his family deserted me when I turned to them for comfort after having been through much trials on my own without their help.
I remember my grand mother, when I was younger saying that she loved me. I am sorry for her. She has three children who did not bring her the pride and joy she was probably expecting from motherhood. Although I would be proud of two of them if I were in her place.

Yet doing what she did she unknowingly taught me a GREAT lesson: it is when you act upon your fears that what you fear is likely to happen.

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