Letter

So, tuesday 10.00 am it is.

Wow, it is been long, and hard and kind of frustrating as well as full of worries but it is the end. Just a few days left. I want to dress up. I wish they could dunk me right away but I don’t even have to ask about it because I know the answer will be no.

I still don’t want to have the ward there. I have given much thoughts about it (and then a break and then toughts again) and I feel at peace with my decision. I mean, I used not to want to have the ward there because I was not comfortable about this idea. Now I don’t want because I want to keep it private and that’s all. It has nothing to do with the members or the fact that I don’t want some people to be there. It is just that if there should be someone I wish it were the ex wife of one of our former bishop.
She is hurting really bad from all that went on when she got a divorce and I understand why she is hurting. I just think that she should not and I know it is easy to say. I have been where she is (not for the same reason) and I know there is nothing that could change the way she feels. The only person who can would be herself.
I would like to ask her to come not to tell her to repent because beside wrpaing herself in her wound she is not doing anything really wrong. I just want her to have an opportunity to have a spiritual experience and I want her to feel that this is where she belongs.
We are a little ward and I know how hard it would be for her to attend church, with his wife teaching sunday school (she is a sunday school teacher) or giving a talk in sacrament meeting and being called “sister G”. Joëlle (the second wife) is a wonderful woman. I was surprised when he married her because I knew her from my childhood ward which was hundreds of miles from where I live now. I was happy to see her.
But I love M.C (the first wife) and I am sorry that she has such hard feelings against Joëlle.

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3 thoughts on “Letter

  1. CONGRATULATIONS on having a firm day and time. Personally, I think it is fine to not have anyone there – to have it be a totally private ordinance. The first time was partly about the community of believers; this one is yours.

    When you come up out of the water this time, there should be nothing stopping you from reacting however you feel imspired – even if that means a righteous shout of thanksgiving and victory. That’s kind of hard to do when others are looking at you.

    That’s my two cents’ worth, anyway.

  2. Thanks Ray. I felt kind of guilty because at first the bishop told me something true and I think it is right, but I think it is not right for me. He told me that in one way, witnessing my baptism will be like a testimony that full repentence is possible, that excommunication is not a one way road. I fully aggree with him, but as you have said this is one is mine.

  3. Pingback: I had forgotten « Back and then…

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