I wonder if it is worth it to try to become a teacher for the last time before they change it all or if I should really give up. I don’t feel like going through all this again but in the mean time it would be stupid not to give it a shot since it is the last time.
Beside having spent all this time on this goal and not making it makes me feel like a big huge failure.
Yet, I really want to out those darn books away.
I am affraid praying won’t be of any use because I have the feeling that this is really my call. I don’t believe God has any real intend to see me as a teacher, in the mean time I don’t think He’d mind if I were. So the decision is really up to me.
I know I could be a good one, but I also know I don’t have the way to think that it takes to be a federal worker (in France teachers are federal workers).
I know I could try the “internal” test and I may make it but my question is: do I want to be a teacher? I mean, I want to teach but do I want to be a teacher in this country and in this context?
But passing the test could also open the doors for me to other opportunites that would take me away from here.
If I don’t take this test what will happen beside being sure that I won’t be a teacher?
I will have other fields to look into right away but I won’t be as focused on a goal.
What if I pass?
What if I don’t?
I will have lost another year.
Anyway, today I am going to see an old friend who has just been back from California where she taught french (among other things). I wish I could teach french in the US. But franckly I really don’t feel like spending another year to do my master degree.
Why don’t they just give it to me according to my smile? I know I have a beautiful one (it took me over 4 years of pure torture to acquire it so I know my smile is nothing under wonderful!).
Anyway, I have started reading my scriptures in the morning again, unlike the past two or three weeks when I have read them in the evening. Interesting experience.
Since I was not able to read it when I felt like at my mother’s, reading it just before going to bed did not make a change. But when I came back home and kept this habit I could feel a difference.
So I am back to reading it in the morning and I love it. Specially this morning.
We have had horrible hot and humid days, we just could not wait until the storm would break, this morning I got waken up by the sound of it and I sit outside, listening to the rain while reading my scriptures. Loved it. It was really sweet and refreshing both physically and spiritually.