After this 24h or 48h during which I felt so confused and lost and then better I am feeling really weird.
It is not about the spirit, it is really a weird emotional state but I feel good.
I have come to the point where I just accept that my mother will always be my weak point and thre is nothing I can do about it and nothing I should feel guilty about. It is not even sad anumore, I just accept it as it is. It could be worse, though. I could not be aware of it and making poor choices in my life because of her influence. I just grew up a little.
I guess wanting to focuse on higher goals had helped me to put things in perspective. I don’t think things could really improved much in this life but I know there is hope for the next one. I mean I don’t see how but I am starting hoping which is new to me actually.
I guess it may have something to do with the spirit after all.