I was happy to have my sisters with me today at church. La Blonde did something awesome in sacrament meeting to teach the members that she is the one they should look at and not have their face buried in their hymn book. I was proud of her. I was also so surprised that she did it, that she had the guts to do it. My sister and the sister playing the piano work hard together to give a real meaning to their calling the members don’t realize that hymns are prayers and that they are there for a purpose. Anyway I was proud of her.
Another awesome thing was that the bishop’s daughter in law was at church today again, she came on her own again BUT this time her husband was able to have his arm almost around her during sunday school. This made my day.
Now the hard part about today.
I have realized that my mother is NOT directly responsible for my reaction but I realized that her presence “bloked” my heart. I was not able to enjoy the spirit although I could feel it was there. I find myself in this situation again where I want to please her by pretending that I am neither on her side or on the church side but this is wrong.
Someday I will have to tell her that I intend to come back to the church and that I am sorry for her that she has not understood a thing since the time she left, I am sorry for her if she is not willing to make an effort not to come back or at least to grow up a little.
I told her that the stake presidency is going to be released and she just went crazy about the stake president talking about hos things should be and I just can’t make you feel how horrible it was. I had to scream for her to stop. Yes, my mother is one who does not understand or listen to you or respect you unless you show that you’re stronger in one way or another.
Yes the stake president screwed it up. He did and it is sad. It is also even worse that he does not seem to understand how much he has hurt us. But it is his problem. Our problem was to overcome the pain. It was not his job to overcome our pain. This just does not make sense.
HE SCREWED UP! And he is going to be accountable for it. Our job is to forgive him because not doing it is going to be even harder. And frankly I am even more sorry for my mother than I am for him. I know someday I will be able to explain to him what happened and I know that he will be sad. Honestly this man is stupid but he is not evil and he has tried his best. He failed it as far as we are concerned so what? I am not old enough to be sure that I will never do something as bad. Writting this makes me think that this is what the attonement is about. It was not just for me. It was fo him too. I am not talking about the repentence part because all that he has been guilty of is to have been stupid and not to have seeked enough the spirit for guidance. The part of the attonement I am talking about is this part that enables us to learn from our mistakes and this is the huge difference between my “stupid” stake president and my parents. My parents never wanted to learn from their mistakes because it would take them to move from their comfort zone. Yet if they had done it it would have been easier than the situations they both found themselves in very often that involved much pointless suffering.
My “stupid’ stake president wants to understand and grow.
Anyway, I hope that my mom will quickly send me the pictures I asked for.