I dearly hope this will never leave me.
As Mikki said I just have no more wish to do “evil”.
I was not EVIL.
What I was doing was just not right. It was not morally EVIL. It was evil for my own good in this way that I could not enjoy the full blessings linked to honoring the covenants I had once made with God. Not that I could before either but this was because I was not “able” and not because something was preventing it. This sentance does not make any sense unless you can relate to all the things I have written previously. Sorry if it is not clear to you and if it is “all the same”.
Anyway I have been stucked in my scripture reading on Alma the younger. I can relate to his experience and I just love reading what he told after recovering from his “time out”.
So here we have someone who has been raised on the church and who for some reason decided that it was not for him (and not for others either but this is something I have never thought). He was perfectly happy with his little life the same as I was happy with mine.
And, as for me, it is God himslef who made sure he would stop living the life he was leading. I have not seen an angel and I have not seen God lately (like not for the past 32 years or so). But I have experienced His love and how much He wants me closer to Him. How much He cares whether I am a member of the church of Jesus-Christ of the latter days saints. I deeply believe that when we are judged He won’t care trully if we were muslim or presbyterian or whatever. But for some reason He wants me back in the church and no other else. No matter how much I have messed up the original plan He had for me I feel that He still has something in store for me.
Sooooooooooooooooo….When is my dearest Stake presidnt calling me back? When is my poor bishop calling me to set an apointment? Dang it!!! Do I need to bribe them?