I came to realize how much I need sundays.
Week ends are the time for me to relaxe from the tensions of the week. One of the thing I enjoy is to waste my time or things that matter or not but that are definitely centered on my pleasure. I can totally take time out of my sleeping time (which I badly need) because I know that I will only have to gather my strength for church time and then, since I have no other responsibility, I can sleep as much as I need. Great life style. Love to be single.
But this week end, since my mother and my sisters were there and since I had been invited to this thing in the aftrnoon, I just could not do it. So I kind of “functionned” but only kind of. I did not really and missed church. I was there but I missed it. And I miss it now.
I need it. I want to go back and catch on what I missed.
But I can’t. I understand this is one of the sweetest change that tells me that I have made it.
“Before” there came a time when going to church was a pain but I did it because it was a “commandment”. I would gather all my strength on the six days of the week to go to church on the seventh and leave church exhausted after it. I had good reasons to be exhausted. Nobody in her right mind would have gone through what I have been through.
But here is the thing: since it is not right to suffer that much then there is only one soltuion and this is to stop it. They are two ways to stop it. Either to leave the church or to find a way up.
I did not want to leave the church but I could not find a way up. I just did not think it was possible because I already knew everything there was to know. Does it sound proud to you? Well, sorry to say it was true. I knew everything there was to know. I knew it back then and I can still say it. I knew that there was something higher, though. It is like being traped in a wonderfull appartement. I knew the appartement by heart. I knew anything you can imagine there would be to know about it. From feng shui design to chemical components of everything in it. But I knew there was a world outside. And I knew there was also a roof. And I wanted to know both. But I just could not find my way out, the door!
I have been “outside” and now I can be on the roof if I want. I like it. The view is really nice. It is peacefull. But last sunday was like I wasted my time on the roof. There were things to see, things to learn and instead of doing something meaningful I slept.
At leats I have learned something: sunday is really the best day of the week.