It is hard

I really want to write down what happened but it is hard. I want to write down and share my testimony but I have a hard time with it. I have been told it is because it is too fresh. Yes it is too fresh but in the mean time I so want to share it. This is the most wonderful thing that can happen to someone and all I can do is try to convey pieces of my experience through this blog hopping that you’ll “get it”. I am frustrated.
You may not feel it but not only can I express myself in two languages but I am actually very educated. Yes…I am also very humble.
Why Am I saying this? Just to try to make you understand how much I am powerless when it comes to try to explain it. I read on other’s blog my feelings, my path, my words and I just cannot take them to make them mine because it is their story and it differs from mine.
Everytime I try to think about a way to start I just feel that it is not right because then all my ideas come at once and I cannot organize it in a way that will be clear for you. I could start chronologically but their has to be a chronological order to things and there was none really. The best I have been able to explain to you is my ship story.
How can I tell you how I have been pulled back? Have you ever been pulled back by the collar when you were younger? If you have then try to imagine what it would feel if instead of a physical thing it had been spiritual. And yet so powerfully spiritual that it came to the point the it was physical. Does it make sense?
I can tell you that I fought it for one week because this was just so unexpected. But after a week I knew I had to give up because it was getting stronger and stronger each day and I did not think I could handle it more than what it already was. It was to the point that I was almost in pain for fighting back. Let me tell you this: I know I have a soul. I know it can hurt, I also know it can heal.

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One thought on “It is hard

  1. Pingback: Should I pray for love? « Back and then…

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