Trying

Among the numerous nice feelings I had after my bishop told me about what is going on I had the most negative thought about my stake president’s weird way to act.
Ok here is the thing: when I got excommunicated he was not in the councel. It was my bishop and another one from the bishopric and an other elder. There was no one from the stake. Why he is coming? Am I something you want to see like going to a freak show? WHY is he coming?

I think that he really does not know how I feel about him and I think that he is trying to do things right.
As my bishop said this is rather uncommon. I understand this can be a source of hope for and about people who are excommunicated. As I said I don’t feel comfortable with the whole ward attending my baptism but I understand that it may mean a lot for the members. If I am able to understand this maybe I should consider also that my stake president has an opportunity that he thinks may never happen again to actually see a happy event. Maybe he wants to be a part of it as a way to strengthen his testimony. Maybe I should seize this opportunity to share with him something else and maybe this is the time or never to forgive him for the way he treated my mother, the way he delt with my family, the way he made things worse. Maybe if I focuse more on what this can bring him than on what he removed from me something that I am hoping for will happen.

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