I did not want to go to work and I did not go. Alright….not exactly. I went to work and then on my way I felt really sick so I came back home. I probably felt it yesterday.
Anyway something nice happened when I came back home.
Yesterday I got a mail that really upset me. You need to know a little why I was upset.
I pray hard to maintain a good communication with our Heavenly Father. Then I read my scriptures. Then I start with my day. Being a geek the first thing I do is that I turn on my computer to check my mails. There you can sense what happened. Yes! I got an upseting email.
I got mad.
Hurt and mad.
I turned to people for advice and the best I got was to disregard it. This is a smart piece of advice. But still I wanted to answer and to punch hard. I am good with words. I am very sarcastic and cynical, I know how to turn words into weapons that will drag you down for at least one week. I am good ok? Between my education and my twisted father let me tell you that I can kill you with one word. Yeah I am good like that.
The thing is that the mail was not directed at me at all. It was something that I think is very unfair, not accurate and discrimnative for a lot of people. This coming from “a faithfull member of the church father of many children living in the most perfect and holly state (Utah)” was like 100% of what made me angry. The discrimination part was what hurt me.
So this morning I sent him a mail. I tried to be nice but everytime I would end up typing something subtlely sarcastic. So I stoped. I prayed. And I retyped the sarcastic part. I ended writing a mail that three months ago I would have found cheezy and definitely not enough striking. But I think it was right.
I don’t know if it was really His will that I should send this mail or not. But I have experienced for the first time I am aware of, the fact that I have a will or a desire of doing something that I know for myself is right but I just knew that my “tools” were not appropiate. So I just let him guide me. It is not like I have been rebelious all my life. It is more like I have been lost with a desire to do good but no sense of where to turn to. So it is like I would take all the paths or no paths at all. And this is not something in which the Spirit could not be of a great help. This is a sweet and reassuring experience. I have wondered if I’d be able to let him do this. I told you about my trusting issue before. So I was wondering if I’d be able to just let go in an appropiate way.
First test: passed.
Let’s take the next one. Which will deal with something that will be more important.
PS: I start thinking that there is really something wrong with me. I am like shaking and having headache when it is warm and nice outside. I need to go back to bed. Too bad for work.