Am I really going to make it?

I read a few blogs these past days. Some were interesting, some I just could not relate to and some of them were really uplifting.

It is so hard sometimes to hear or read what GAs have to say about issues they probably never knew. Or maybe they did but since it would not be appropriate to talk about it their talks become so far from what we can handle that their is a gap between us. Not that I am not willing to build the bridge that will make the difference in my life. But it is just that I look back at my life and how I felt that I could not find any answer when it was actually just right here. And this was just because I could not relate.

I am neither making excuse nor saying that I was wrong. It was hard and that’s all. I felt so alone in my pain, I just did not know where to turn for support. Maybe if I had had access to internet at home before everything turned out ugly things would have been different but I am not sure about that.

What I know is that I can read now wonderful blogs from people who are strugling and making the best of what they have. I am impressed by their honnesty and their ability to look at things face to face without taking it as an excuse to do whatever they feel like doing. Despite their choice I have the feeling that they are closer to what we are supposed to go through than a lot of “good standard” mormons. I have the feeling that they are LDS in a lot of ways although some of them are questionning it. This is the kind of person I want to be. Why did I ask this question in my title?

Because I am a sarcastic one and being rather smart I tend to look down on people who have not come up to my understanding of things. And even if I have learned a lot during this time out of the church I am afraid to still have this attitude and the people whose blogs I am reading are not like that at all. They are far from being perfect really far, some of them cannot have a temple recommend at all. But I look up to them for being so honestly seeking the right answers and not taking anything for granted and for God’s truth unless they know it for themself. I look up to them for holding on despite some of their issues which will be life long issues because we have not come far enough in our knowledge that we have the answers for everything. And maybe we will never. This takes humility and strength.

I am not going to put them all in my list of blogs for now. I may latter, though.

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