On my mission I knew it was a time of “faith booster” and I wanted to use it to help me forgive my father. I worked hard for that. Then when I came back the more I tried to forgive him the more he’d hurt me or my sisters or my mother.
So I decided to set my forgiveness aside until better times when I could fully work on this subject.
They are many abuses I need to forgive him. One of them being a real sin. But the thing I need to forgive him right now without waiting for “better times” is how he treats my sisters who are his biological children.
My mother called me a few hours ago telling me not to scream when she would tell me what happened. Good thing that she did because I would have and I still want to. My youngest sister (going on 15) asked him for a favor and his reaction was to beat her and to tell her not to come back. Hope that this time she will understand that there is no point in trying to mend things because this is not a good behavior patern to catch on. She is not the one who should mend things up.
I am so angry that I just don’t know how to deal with it. I am angry at my sister, I am angry at the american student who talked about my sisters tendency to forgive my father anything as “the light of Christ” because this is no light of Christ. He never asked children to fix their parents.
I want to be able not to be angry anymore. This will go on as long as he stays alive and he is not old enough that I can hope to see the Earth cleaned of him anytime soon. So if I want this to stop I need to work on it myself. I wish someone had a piece of advice to spare. I am praying about it. It works. But not fast enough. I guess I need to learn to be patient with myself as well.