And it goes in circle:
I now understand that both what I can do that others can’t or don’t (they don’t necessarily can’t as it would imply a need for something to take place when some things are just incidental) is only because of the way my brain has been shaped and wired. The intensity and the reason why I may vibrate to things that people don’t even see or care about.
So what is really me?
I have met others like me and it was crazy to hear my words in their mouth when before people would either look at me as if I were nuts or would basically run away from me.
Meeting others like me who use their abilities to do things I don’t agree with made me realize that my choices tell me a little who I am and I have been searching more in depth who I was before coming here and who I am expected to become.
Yet this entanglement between who I am and what I am either here or there and it goes both ways has made me look at things the way I have when I was a teenager (until I understood I was crazy and I needed to stop of course) but with more of the knowledge I was hoping to have someday.
I am often grateful and humbled by the blessing of knowing what I know now. I am grateful for the confidence it gives me in my choice and the solace and serenity I find in my life. I am humbled by what I can see from the little cleaning of my dark glasses (Ray this is for you) as it makes it an emergency to learn to love the way Christ did because it is the only way to be saved really.
There is nothing that the love I can show will really change. Yet it can help someone face another day until they can the answer they needed to feel and be better.
I know understand how what I can do is both small and nothing to brag or to be ashamed about but it can have enormous consequences. I knew it before and I had experienced it but always as a recipient of someone else’s deeds.
There is also something I don’t understand concerning this whole matter. The more I want to follow the path He wants me to take the more it seems that I am deriving from it. I am not talking about “opposition” I am talking about praying to know His will and having the only path I thought was the wrong one opening before me.
Yet what I have learned and I know is that the most important is what I desire really and my relationship with Him. Hopefully someday it will all make sense.